Let me get the minor things out of the way. I ordered my iPod Shuffle today from the Apple Store. Says it'll take 2 - 3 weeks, which is fine. The next thing that I have to do is to buy a new 5 section notebook, maybe a new backpack, some new shirts and pants, and I'll be set. But I'm going to space it out over the semester. I'll try my hardest to not buy anything until February.
My bro's friend moved up the wedding to the middle of February, after Valentine's Day. Woo hoo.
So, I was talking to my mom about my plans to go to Vegas when I turn 21. She countered with, "Are you going to take anyone?" Yea. She really did. Same person who said, when seeing how big my bed was, "Wow! You can fit two people on there!" Do I really need this right now? Doesn't help any when my dad is asking me things like, "So, when am I going to meet her? Who's your girlfriend?" More sources of all this.
Went to bed at 6AM this morning. Woke up at 11AM. Haven't taken a nap or anything, so I'm happy so far. Oh! What's this? A King Size Reese's FastBreak on my desk? Sweet. (Honestly, I don't know if I'm eating so much chocolate because I like it, or because I'm really feeling down.)
"I don't NEED anyone as in I won't die without them but... I do need someone to share all the love that is inside of me with."
These are the words I've wanted to say but didn't know how. That is, if this is love. There's something inside me, and it's ready to burst out. As far as my friends go, I don't have one that makes me think they talk too much. I'm a listener. My complement is someone who talks.
An interesting observation about Winter. It's cold. People do want to be next to another. Maybe this all has to do with the season. The holidays that are coming up and such. I just noticed that last year I didn't post on February 14th or 15th. The obvious reason is V-Day. "What about the 15th?" Well, it's another day that reminds me of her. Just like January 12th, 14th, 23rd, and June 6th. There are two other days, but I don't remember which specifically. Oh, this is hard...
"Last week was quite possibly the hardest week I have had in the past 2 years. Sunday was quite possibly the hardest day in 3 years. But I survived.
Why was Sunday so hard for me? Because Feb. 15th is a special day. No, not because it's the day after V-day. It's the birthday of a past love. I never got to spend it with her, but that's ok. So long as I make it through that day, I am well. Yet, the more I try to forget, the more it becomes embedded in my memory. It will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can live with that. The good memories out-number the bad ones. I made it past that day, and I can look forward to another good 364 days."
-by FBombAndy on Feb. 16th, 2004.
(Brandon, I'm trying man. I should have been over it by now. It's just stuck in the back of my head for the meantime. Happens every year around this time.)
By the way, 8 days after that post, I was in the ER. A stomach ulcer. I was placed on an oatmeal and bananas diet. All because that season got to me. It broke me. But I'm determined to not let that happen again. I won't let it.
And so begins another day. I am not alone.
(Did I mention that I got a forward from her? The one from last semester. I shouldn't just use 'her' all the time. What's a good alias? Either way, I ended up deleting it. I realize now that it's not enough. And I hope I'm not expecting too much.)
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3 comments:
iPod Shuffle huh? My iPod Mini is still sitting in the box. I may break it out today, who knows.
Anyhow, this post deserves a phone call, and you will get one from me tonight (don't want to take time away from you and the folks). I know that is kinda shitty considering all the great comments you are getting the past week or so, but you need this call --- I promise.
Looks like you have at least one very good friend to lean on. That in itself makes you quite lucky.
I understand how you feel. I understand what it's like to be lonely on Valentine's Day. For some reason, that day has always been a bad one for me. In every relationship I've ever been in, *something* bad has happened that day.
I wish I could find someone to share the love that is inside of me as well...
I went to bed around 7 AM ~ was up all night talking to David. I got up at 10 AM. Kinda tired, kinda wired. A bit depressed. I did what you recommended - I gave him an ultimatum. It didn't get me anywhere - we decided to stay friends. This made me sad, but it's probably for the best.
I went downstairs to the vending machine and bought a FastBreak...my chocolate salutes you.
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