307 - Schedule

I messed with my schedule today. I'll remind you all that I was considering changing my spanish lab time. But I won't say if I did or not. The reason I was considering changing it was because there's someone in the 10 - 11 section with whom things might be awkward if my previous guesses were accurate. And if she reads this blog and wants to know if I'll be in there, she'll just have to ask. Or wait until next friday. And if she doesn't read this, things aren't awkward. At least not until then.

Here's the deal. If you keep in contact with me, nothing I do will surprise you. If you talk to me once a week, you'll never see me change. But if you don't talk to me for an extended period of time (like christmas break), things are going to be totally different.

The first time this happened, I was a junior in high school. (Speaking of which, in the next post I'm going to discuss her random presence in my dream last night. Totally freaked me out.) No conversations over christmas break. So, here's how it was. Before: Totally perfect, I would do anything, and they knew it. They loved it. After: I didn't want any of it, and I ended it.

She hasn't talked to me in quite some time. She might see a change. If when I walk through that door, she has that smile on her face, I will be perfect to (not for) her. Otherwise, I'll go about my business and leave.

I know what's wrong with me. I want people to miss me when I'm gone for a month. I want people to be excited when I show up. It gives me that feeling of value. A feeling I need more everyday.

Just now thinking about it. "When is my birthday? What high school did I go to? What's my talent?" I could ask her these simple questions, and I don't believe that she would have any of the answers. But if she asked me those questions regarding her, I wouldn't hesitate to answer any of them.

This makes me believe that the word 'friend' is not a 2-way thing. Someone may consider me their friend, but I might not consider them a friend. Does it mean they're wrong? I don't think so. One definition is "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust." It doesn't say "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust, and feels the same way towards you."