Boring, sleep, burn...

Bored out of my mind. I still haven't finished my program, I have to read this Malcolm X biography, and I have to think about this test coming up on Wednesday. Even with all this, I need something to help me stay sane. Basketball is over for the night, and there's nothing on TV. I got nothing. A big bag of nothing.

Almost one o' clock. Gonna get to sleep. But I'm not tired. I haven't done enough today for me to be tired now. Usually it's wake up at 8:30am, class, class, class, ATH and PTI, B-ball, homework, study if necessary. That's the routine. Today, there was one class, and about 2 hours of homework. Nothing major. Went to Barnes and Noble to see if there's any good books out, but I gave up.

For some weird reason, I can't be in any book place for more than twenty minutes. Libraries, Borders, B&N. Doesn't matter. Being surrounded by books makes me want to set something on fire. I'm not a big fan of fire either. I don't know what's up with it.

Thinking back to the summer before I started college. Even at the beginning of May, I wanted to leave. I don't know how most kids feel, but I figure it's normal to want to be at your home as much as possible before you go off to some new place. Not me. I was ready. Ready to start growing up a little bit more. I like to push myself to be more mature than my age. And that's bound to happen considering that all of my friends are older than me. The closer ones by a year, the further ones by up to 10 years. I'm 19, going on 27. Well, maybe not that old, but my parents would say older. Beh...

Then I think about graduation. Walking across the stage. At the back of the place where we returned our gowns. Looking around and seeing all the chics crying, all the guys doing their 'man hugs.' I don't think I talked to anyone during that whole thing. Turned in my stuff, grabbed my envelope, walked away. I'm not good with goodbyes. I am the type that would rather turn my back and walk than hug and say "see you around." Don't take it personally if I do so.

I'm not good with hugs either. I never initiate them, and I tend to be surprised when one is given.

Don't know what I want. Don't know what I need. Starting to wonder if a beer might help....but then again, it'll do more harm than good. I don't know, that one time I came back from school and ate some chocolate cake with a cold beer to wash it down, I felt really good.