338 - Friends

My dad flew to El Paso tonight. Kind of short notice. Things aren't looking good and I think I'm going to have to take another vacation. I don't know when exactly, but from what I know it could start in an hour or within a few days. During this time, I will try my hardest to at least post something because it's the only way I can express how I feel. It's the only way I can get anything inside of me to the outside world.

For those of you who have never met me face to face, I should give some background on some of my good friends.

I went to high school with Anh, Brandon, CT, Fermin, and Luis. I've known CT the longest. I pretty much followed him around throughout high school. But we've followed separate paths after high school. He's getting married next month and I have every intention of being there. I met Anh in middle school. I can't remember a day where she wasn't smiling. When I need advice about anything female-related, I know that her insight will point me in the right direction. Just like CT, she is crazy smart. You know, everyone I'm mentioning and will mention is smart. So let's get that out of the way. Met Brandon my sophomore year. I talk to him more than anyone else. When I just need to talk, I can always call him up. And when I need a good reality slap, he'll volunteer first. I'm not really sure when I first met Luis, but the earliest I can remember hanging with him was my sophomore year in Speech. We really gave that teacher hell. Well, maybe not. We were good kids. I always have great conversations with Luis, and he asks questions that make me look inside of myself. And when I need help with clothes, he definitely pulls through. The only one on this list that is younger than me is Fermin. He's at Cornell right now and he's doing great. If I have to use the word genius to describe him, I will. Before he left for New York, I thought that we had a ton in common. We're both lazy, we have talents that we don't use often enough, and we're both introverted. Now I would say that I'm jealous of the things he's accomplishing. Jealous, or envious, they're both the same, right?

So now that there's background, I can continue with what I originally had planned.

This is my plan. And I'm going to stick to it. I won't break again. I'm not going to lab Friday. If she shows signs of actually caring, then I'll stick it out. At the end of the semester, or sooner if the situation calls for it, I will take her out for coffee, since she likes that, and tell her what's going on. If there's nothing, no call, no text, no email, then I will bail out permanently. I will attend a different lab, talk to the proctors, and stay in there. I'll call it a mistake and accept it.

But right now, I'm going to try to sleep. I am emotionally drained right now. I bottle it up for so long that when it overflows, it hurts. I figure if I dream, I can escape it for a little while.