Maybe I should elaborate more on what I was talking about in the last post. If you're tired of reading about her, by all means, ignore the next couple of paragraphs.
We had our usual fun in lab. Laughed about some stuff like always. Had our walk like always.
I didn't go through with my plan. I know, that makes me a big wuss. And that's fine, I can take the name calling. (Brandon called me something a little more graphic.) So, after CS, I walked to my spot near my next class and called Brandon. I told him how it all went down. Just about 2 minutes into it, I see her walk by. So I pause, tell Brandon I'll call him back, and I call her to make sure I saw the right person and not a look-a-like.
Had another conversation with her. Went well. We could talk for hours. Once we start, it just flows naturally. Either way, at the end I understood that I need to pick up the phone and call people (specifically her) more often.
You see, I have a problem with calling people. I had a bad experience once, and since then I just can't get the courage to dial numbers. That was back in the Winter of 2000. So, for roughly 51 months I have had a fear of calling people. I don't want to call someone and hear "I'm busy, can I call you back?" That exact phrase. So if you wonder why I never call you, that's why.
At least with text messages if the other person is busy, I don't have to hear, "Can I text you later?"
And yes, I do mean fear. Top of the list. For comparison, the second thing on my list is heights. And I've been on the Tower of Terror.
So, I have this project to do, and I haven't started on it yet. Forgive me if I don't post for the next 30 hours or so. I'll try. No promises.
4 comments:
You know, I've gotten to where I am less afraid of rejection as I've gotten older, and here's why. If I really like someone, I'd rather ask and get turned away then have to wonder later what would have happened if. The pain of rejection is real, but then I can accept it and move on. The pain of regret and opportunities lost is worse, IMO.
The guy I have a huge crush on right now I actually came right out and told him that. If nothing ever comes of it, I'll be hugely disappointed, but at least I'll know it was out of my hands, and I won't have to wonder what could have been if only I had found the courage to tell him how I felt. So now that I've made my feelings clear, the ball's in his court. In the meantime, I'm free to move on, because I've done what I can do on my end. Which isn't to say I didn't sweat bullets when I told him...but nothing ventured, nothing gained. As an old No Fear tee shirt said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. As a baller, I'm sure that one puts in terms that make sense.
But if you are going to tell her, don't be indirect or give any reason that her response can be ambiguous. "I really wanna hang out sometime"...what does it mean if she says yes? Who knows? "I really like you and I'd like to take you out sometime"...well a yes there tells you something.
And this is totally great advice. I've listened to every word. And believe me, I'm trying to get it through my skull.
If she turned me down, I wouldn't feel all that bad. What I fear is that once I tell her, our friendship may not be the same afterwards. Honestly, I really enjoy listening to her. She's the most interesting person I've met here in Austin.
It doesn't help any that our lifestyles clash. I'm a 'stay at home and watch movies' kind of guy, while she's more of the 'go out to some clubs' kind of girl.
But yea, when I finally step up, I'm going to be very straightforward. I don't like to be vague.
In your case, the question is whether it would be worse to tell her, get rejected, and have the friendship possibly get weird, or to never tell her and never know. At some point if you like her enough, not knowing will probably be worse.
My friend Anh and I had a conversation about awkward friendships after one person tells the other what's up. Long time ago though.
Now I need to determine just how much I like her. Am I willing to ride out the awkwardness for however long? Hmm...
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