I Don't Want It

I don't ask for a ton. I never ask people for help. I never ask people to do something for me. I try to be as independent as possible. I know I can rely on myself.

I often talk about how I like to be alone. The way my room is when it's dark and cold. My desire to walk outside for a couple of miles to clear my head.

This attention thing sucks though. I don't want to be in the spotlight. I don't want to be the life of the party. I'd much rather be a wallflower. I don't like being pointed out. Yet, I do.

I do like it when people are at least interested and attempt to listen to my story. I do so much listening that when I want someone to listen to me, it doesn't happen. Because I am so naturally quiet about my opinions and feelings, I don't draw that interest. Well, I don't feel like I do. I'm just so introverted.

Everytime I see something I want, I always change my mind about getting it. When I have a chance at experiencing something great, I always refuse. I can't reward myself with anything. It's becoming an issue.

In other news, I'm sick again. This is against the laws of nature because I never get sick more than twice a year. This is number three or four. From what I can tell, it's just a sinus infection. I'm hoping to be 100% by tomorrow.

I want to destroy things again.