A while back some friends of mine said I should become a psychologist. I help people with their problems so much with great results. Well, not anymore. I have a few of my own, and I've been rather quiet lately. So, after the recital, I decided to take my time walking back to the bus stop and consider my situation with more detail. The cool air is just what I need when I want to think.
I've figured out what I want. It makes perfect sense given my "growing up" conditions. I was constantly around people 5 to 8 years older than me. And they accepted me without regard to my age. Of course, when they were 21 and I was not, I made sure they knew I understood that I had to stay home. It was fine.
So, now I'm 20, and the age I can't wait to be is not 21. I want to be somewhere around 25 to 28. I want a nice job, a nice woman, and my own place. It hit me when I saw a couple driving away in their new VW something-or-other. They were dressed up, but it was obvious they were going home. And that's what I want. I want to be completely grown up. I don't want to wait any longer.
In other news, I've restarted the cycle. I'm torn right now. I'm haunted again. But I'm so close to having that peace of mind. It's right there. I can feel it. I guess I just need more time.
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