Two-Eight-Six

Four. I know. It's a bit much. It's 4:55 right now, my stomach hurts, and I can't sleep. My stomach is not the reason why I can't sleep, though. I've just spent the past 45 minutes thinking. Thinking hard. And I think I've figured it all out. Well, most of it.

I realize now that I've just been trying to get her attention. But I never picked up the phone and said "How are ya?"

If I'm right about this, I want to revise my three answers to the anonymous inquirer. I think I know who it is now.

1. I'm not fine. I fooled myself. I fooled myself into thinking I was perfect for you, even with the circumstances against me. I'm not. While I could put everything into it, it wouldn't be enough. I say that being friends is fine, but I would always wonder "what if...?" I don't know if I can live like that.

2. I say that I don't want attention, but deep down, I do. I don't want to be center stage, but I do want acknowledgement. What happened to me is that I felt ignored. I felt like all of my attempts to win you over were thrown aside. I've listened to you and I think I know you well. But I don't think you know me at all. I felt like I was used. Right now, I feel that way just a little bit. I might be wrong.

3. I know what to say. I don't know if I'll ever say it though. I don't know what you should, or could, say.


I'm hoping with all hope that I'm wrong. I really want to be wrong about this. I want this to be someone from thefacebook.com. I might be able to handle that. But I feel like I'm being torn at the seams. I want a conclusion. I can't be left guessing.


I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight.