Total Downer

You know the scene in Silence of the Lambs with the officer hanging in front of the cell totally eviscerated? I feel like that sometimes. Most of today in fact. I tried taking a nap, but that didn't bring much relief. No, it's nothing with being sick. Just being incredibly down. For a week. Down, not depressed. I don't feel like the world is going to end.

You can't lose something you never had. No matter if you truly believed you had it. Ignorance really is bliss.

So now I look forward to next semester. I haven't even finished the last week of class and I'm already giving up on feeling complete at the end of it all. Not like I know that feeling anyway.

"She kisses you with tongue and
Pulls you to the ground,
Don't go, you'll only want to come back again

So don't get any big ideas,
They're not gonna happen

You'll close it off for what you need,
She can't escape you

And now that you find it, it's gone
And now that you feel it, you don't
You've gone off the rail"

Radiohead - Big Ideas

And oh so true. Really, don't get ideas. They really don't happen. Best not to dream either. All that talk about dreams coming true or that every dog has his day...total bullshit. Hope really is an imaginary tool to help ease the pain of knowing that bad things happen to good people, and that there really is nothing to be optimistic about.

{Note: I apologize if this depresses anyone. That isn't my intention.}