I was in the car with Brandon, finally on my way back home, and we had an interesting conversation about traits that we inherit and characteristics that we learn.
When I analyze both of my parents, I can see what I've inherited from each. I have the natural kindness of my father. I have his martyr complex, only mine is a bit worse. I share his occasional desire to be alone. But, I have the quiet attitude of my mother. I am introverted just like her.
Characteristics or reactions that I've picked up start with my ability to tune someone out if they just keep repeating the same thing, or if they aren't open-minded. Instead of calling someone a 'moron' to their face, I'll wait until I'm alone. If I feel like someone doesn't care about me, I can easily stop caring about them.
I was with my dad and he talked about me while I was sitting next to him. He pointed out that I've picked up qualities from both my brother and my sister, but more from my sister. The one thing that he said that I cannot disagree with was his statement, "You can't get him to do something he doesn't want to, and he knows exactly what he wants."
I am very self-destructive. I tend to criticize myself more than I should. I stress myself out to the point that I'll need someone to take me to the ER. When I'm mad at someone, my first instinct is to punch something inanimate. I have the scars to show. When I don't have control over something, I ask myself why I don't.
I have a cousin who joined the Marines a while back. He's going to be shipped out on Sept. 5th. He's 20. He says that there's just nothing for him at home. He's younger than me, but he's about to do things that I would be too scared to do. And this is where I just don't know what to think. Yes, I'm about to get a Computer Science degree. He's about to be part of a war. And while both are admirable in their own ways, I feel like he's accomplishing more than I ever could.
I'm losing contact with people I've considered 'true friends.' I see people I knew years ago and realize that I don't know them anymore. And I can't do anything about it except blame myself for it.
Ugh. I'm going to sleep.
1 comment:
I don't think he's really accomplishing more than you. I think it's a difference of opinion and of choice of lifestyle. Each of you have a special contribution of your own to this world. Whether or not they follow the same path, they are equally important. Don't forget - you may someday design a computer program (etc) that may save his life (or those like him).
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