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Ugh, what a terrible day.

I woke up early to go to my French Horn lessons. I got out to the bus stop, and waited. Waited some more. 20 minutes went by. The bus I take runs every 15 minutes. So, I jump on a much slower bus and just try to make it on campus.

[Warning: You may not want to read the following paragraphs. The content may be graphic and disturbing. If you wish to read it, highlight the text.]

Well, there was an accident further up ahead on the bus route. It bothered me a bit. From what I could tell, it had just happened when I stepped out of the door. Oh, I just found the story. But the reason it bothered me was that an ambulance wasn't there. The person was still laying on the road. Only a blue tarp prevented everyone from seeing his identity. You could see the bent bicycle and the person's backpack. Seeing a motionless figure on the road kind of freaked me out.

My dad works for the Physical Evidence Department. He does all of the stuff you see on CSI, if you watch that show. He deals with death everyday. And it weirds me out that this is what he sees.

Now, I considered myself to be desensitized. The only emotion I ever show is anger. And that takes a bit. But actually seeing death outside of natural causes just turned my body cold. I've never felt that before.

When I hear about high school students having heat stroke or a heart attack, I worry about my own life. Seeing obituaries for 18 - 20 year olds scares me. This kid was 17. I was a senior in high school when I was 17. I didn't think about death or anything.

In the past two nights, I have had dreams where a family member or a friend has died. And in both of those dreams, I reacted with anger.

I didn't make it to campus. I just decided to come home and relax. I had to clear my thoughts.