Everyday...
2:50PM...
http://www.theticket.com/listen.htm
It's called, "Why Today Doesn't Suck."
It's what I'm listening to right now.
{Added on around 3:30PM}
How about a little NBA talk?
Alan Henderson was bought out by Milwaukee, and has agreed in principle to come back to the Mavs. Awesome. The final deal turns out to be Calvin Booth for Van Horn. It's not like Booth was getting significant minutes either. As I said, the trade was going to hurt the Mavs initially, until Dampier gets back. But if Henderson is a Mav again, well we just have to wait one more day. Oh, and we get the lowly Hornets tonight. We better kick their ass by 20.
Did I mention that I got a rare collectible toy? Lego released Lego men versions of NBA stars. Can't find them anywhere anymore because they have been discontinued. Well, I happened to find one in an Albertsons. Only one. And it had T-Mac. So I bought it. I have a T-Mac Lego man. Chris Webber and Allan Houston came in the package, but I don't care about them. Webb is old and Houston is worthless.
Today really sucked. I started off the morning with severe stomach pains, stepped in dog crap, made it to campus but not to class, and killed an hour practicing my horn. So everything except the practicing has sucked bad. Today isn't my day.
So either way, I'm going to take a nap for a little bit.
Monday, February 28
Sunday, February 27
372
I hate you blogger.
I hate you so damn much.
So, I had a funny story typed up. but then blogger decides not to publish it and just sit there like a fat ass on a hot day. Damnit I'm pissed.
I mean, wow, I've been pissed before, but this is ridiculous. This isn't the first time blogger has screwed me out of a good post.
Ok, I'm gonna watch Venture Brothers and go to bed.
"You're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!"
Hank Venture
By the way, I don't know why I dwell on the past so much. It's probably because I miss some people, but then again, it could just be one of those ironic twists on my memory. Can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday, but I can remember the words she whispered into my ear more than 4 years ago.
You know what, a year ago is when I got my ulcer. Chicken broth, oatmeal, and bananas. Real fun.
{Added on around 12:15}
So, this isn't my night.
I just remembered that I have spanish homework due tomorrow. 3 pages. Oh this sucks. And I was planning on waking up early and getting my hair cut. And practicing my horn after class. Oh this sucks.
I hate you so damn much.
So, I had a funny story typed up. but then blogger decides not to publish it and just sit there like a fat ass on a hot day. Damnit I'm pissed.
I mean, wow, I've been pissed before, but this is ridiculous. This isn't the first time blogger has screwed me out of a good post.
Ok, I'm gonna watch Venture Brothers and go to bed.
"You're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder!"
Hank Venture
By the way, I don't know why I dwell on the past so much. It's probably because I miss some people, but then again, it could just be one of those ironic twists on my memory. Can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday, but I can remember the words she whispered into my ear more than 4 years ago.
You know what, a year ago is when I got my ulcer. Chicken broth, oatmeal, and bananas. Real fun.
{Added on around 12:15}
So, this isn't my night.
I just remembered that I have spanish homework due tomorrow. 3 pages. Oh this sucks. And I was planning on waking up early and getting my hair cut. And practicing my horn after class. Oh this sucks.
371
Don't ask me why...
I was thinking back to the only school dance I went to. Well, I went to two, but I'm really trying my hardest to forget the second one. That was...well...it's just something I can live without remembering.
But the first one I went to. A Saturday in December of 2000. That was something else.
Either way, I was typing everything above at 1:09, and it's now 2:08. I'm going to move on.
Nothing new about today. I spent most of it in my room. Just not in a friendly mood today. I just wanted to be by myself.
Really, now that I think about it, I didn't get anything done today. Kind of pathetic. I have two tests this week. I should really study. Ha, that's right. Andy is going to break down and study. Amazing.
I created a new playlist. I have two different playlists for sleep, one for A Perfect Circle, one for Tool, and another that's just for stress. I created one today that satisifes my aggressive mood. Songs that are fast, have yelling, or anything like that.
It rained today. There were a bunch of dark clouds and such. It was kind of nice. It's supposed to be like this all week, but I just know that halfway into it the sun will come out and the highs will go up to 80. I hate it. I hate hot weather. And 80 to me is hot.
Alright, I'm looking in my bag and I see a lot of nothing. So I'm going to go to bed.
I was thinking back to the only school dance I went to. Well, I went to two, but I'm really trying my hardest to forget the second one. That was...well...it's just something I can live without remembering.
But the first one I went to. A Saturday in December of 2000. That was something else.
Either way, I was typing everything above at 1:09, and it's now 2:08. I'm going to move on.
Nothing new about today. I spent most of it in my room. Just not in a friendly mood today. I just wanted to be by myself.
Really, now that I think about it, I didn't get anything done today. Kind of pathetic. I have two tests this week. I should really study. Ha, that's right. Andy is going to break down and study. Amazing.
I created a new playlist. I have two different playlists for sleep, one for A Perfect Circle, one for Tool, and another that's just for stress. I created one today that satisifes my aggressive mood. Songs that are fast, have yelling, or anything like that.
It rained today. There were a bunch of dark clouds and such. It was kind of nice. It's supposed to be like this all week, but I just know that halfway into it the sun will come out and the highs will go up to 80. I hate it. I hate hot weather. And 80 to me is hot.
Alright, I'm looking in my bag and I see a lot of nothing. So I'm going to go to bed.
Friday, February 25
370
Wow...really sore. I mean, I've felt worse, but this sucks. That's what I get for not stretching.
I accidentally hit my left wrist against a very heavy speaker. If you've been to my apartment, you know how big and heavy these floor speakers are. Either way, my left wrist is scraped up and bruised now. At least it's not my shooting hand.
How did today go...? Umm, Rolled out of bed unwillingly and made it to lab. Lab was fun. I accomplished a bunch of some little assignments. We have to talk about specific things in spanish with the TA, and we have to have 8 done next Friday. I did 5 today. Most people get about 2 done in one try. I dunno, my spanish is coming along pretty well. It should be.
Every Friday after lab during our walk, I always ask, "What's today? Friday? Then I need to go to that building..." She knows I have the same pathetic memory as a goldfish. So today when I started the question, she stopped me and said, "Your next class is over there." And she was right. That let me know that she does listen after all. Was kind of funny.
But what made it so funny is later that day I went to the wrong building for my 1 o' clock class. I have a discussion section at 1 in the Sanchez building on Tuesdays. I have a discussion section at 1 o' clock in Parlin Hall on Fridays. I walked into the Sanchez building today. I sat down for a second, and then it hit me. Wrong building. I laughed it off. Could have used someone to point me in the right direction.
Hmm...what else happened? Came home, ate some sherbert (haha...Lacey Sherbert), took a nap, went out to eat, came back home. Not much of a Friday. Oh well.
You know, now I'm kind of bored. I think I'll just go to bed now.
{Added on around 2:45AM}
Funniest show after 10pm. The Venture Brothers. If you haven't watched it, go watch it.
"Come on, they have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
-Oh my god, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
-Please, she'd be in estrus 24-7 if she didn't lay eggs.
-Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa smurf has a f*cking beard! They're mammals!"
-The Monarch's Henchmen, numbers 21 and 24.
I accidentally hit my left wrist against a very heavy speaker. If you've been to my apartment, you know how big and heavy these floor speakers are. Either way, my left wrist is scraped up and bruised now. At least it's not my shooting hand.
How did today go...? Umm, Rolled out of bed unwillingly and made it to lab. Lab was fun. I accomplished a bunch of some little assignments. We have to talk about specific things in spanish with the TA, and we have to have 8 done next Friday. I did 5 today. Most people get about 2 done in one try. I dunno, my spanish is coming along pretty well. It should be.
Every Friday after lab during our walk, I always ask, "What's today? Friday? Then I need to go to that building..." She knows I have the same pathetic memory as a goldfish. So today when I started the question, she stopped me and said, "Your next class is over there." And she was right. That let me know that she does listen after all. Was kind of funny.
But what made it so funny is later that day I went to the wrong building for my 1 o' clock class. I have a discussion section at 1 in the Sanchez building on Tuesdays. I have a discussion section at 1 o' clock in Parlin Hall on Fridays. I walked into the Sanchez building today. I sat down for a second, and then it hit me. Wrong building. I laughed it off. Could have used someone to point me in the right direction.
Hmm...what else happened? Came home, ate some sherbert (haha...Lacey Sherbert), took a nap, went out to eat, came back home. Not much of a Friday. Oh well.
You know, now I'm kind of bored. I think I'll just go to bed now.
{Added on around 2:45AM}
Funniest show after 10pm. The Venture Brothers. If you haven't watched it, go watch it.
"Come on, they have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs.
-Oh my god, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
-Please, she'd be in estrus 24-7 if she didn't lay eggs.
-Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa smurf has a f*cking beard! They're mammals!"
-The Monarch's Henchmen, numbers 21 and 24.
369
So yea, the Mavs won, so I'm happy.
Tomorrow is Spanish lab time. Means I'll have to put on my happy face. Oh, but I feel my knees now, and I know I'm going to have a hard time walking tomorrow. I'm tired as hell too. When I got back, I ate a powerbar, two corn dogs, and a double oatmeal creampie. I love those things. Throw in a bottle of powerade, and that was my dinner. I think I filled back up on calories, but I'm still tired.
Spanish lab...you know, our mutual friend is real nice. Real nice to me. She's nice.
Oh, today was good on campus. I got about 3 or 4 looks today. And this chic from my spanish class walked up beside me and we had a conversation. Was nice.
Oh, now I need to think about what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I think I'll go khakis and a blue shirt. Probably my Radiohead shirt. Hmm...khakis, white shirt, Radiohead shirt over it. Good. I'll wear that. Oh, I better check to make sure it's clean.
Either way, I had a good dream last night, and I'm hoping to have another tonight. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I'll find out.
Ha ha...lube.
Yea, nevermind, I'm not going to put a song here. Tell you what though, if you can guess it, I'll give you one million points. Maybe more. And the only thing I'll say is that it's by the Deftones. One guess per person. I'll give the answer when I think everyone has guessed.
Tomorrow is Spanish lab time. Means I'll have to put on my happy face. Oh, but I feel my knees now, and I know I'm going to have a hard time walking tomorrow. I'm tired as hell too. When I got back, I ate a powerbar, two corn dogs, and a double oatmeal creampie. I love those things. Throw in a bottle of powerade, and that was my dinner. I think I filled back up on calories, but I'm still tired.
Spanish lab...you know, our mutual friend is real nice. Real nice to me. She's nice.
Oh, today was good on campus. I got about 3 or 4 looks today. And this chic from my spanish class walked up beside me and we had a conversation. Was nice.
Oh, now I need to think about what I'm going to wear tomorrow. I think I'll go khakis and a blue shirt. Probably my Radiohead shirt. Hmm...khakis, white shirt, Radiohead shirt over it. Good. I'll wear that. Oh, I better check to make sure it's clean.
Either way, I had a good dream last night, and I'm hoping to have another tonight. The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I'll find out.
Ha ha...lube.
Yea, nevermind, I'm not going to put a song here. Tell you what though, if you can guess it, I'll give you one million points. Maybe more. And the only thing I'll say is that it's by the Deftones. One guess per person. I'll give the answer when I think everyone has guessed.
Thursday, February 24
368
0 for 0 shooting, 0 rebounds, 1 assist, 0 turnovers, 1 personal foul. That's it. In about 8 or so minutes. They won 60 - 45.
Considering that I haven't played since November, I'm OK with this. But I need more than that next week. I didn't take any shots because Ryan was right. There are some ball hogs on the team. I did run the point when I was in for the first half. The other team threw a zone at me, and I need to work more on breaking it down. It would help if some of my teammates would make some cuts or something.
Overall, I think I made an impression on the team captain. He asked me if I was going to play again next week, and I told him I would. I'll need more minutes, I'll need a couple of shots, and I'll need for us to play a man to man defense. I'm no good in a zone.
Defensively I held my own though. The other team's point didn't get a shot on me, and I broke down one of their fastbreaks. On the other hand, I wasn't so fortunate on another fastbreak. I ended up fouling the guy and he still got the roll, which seriously pissed me off.
The other team was well organized. They had matching outfits on and they were all 6'4 or taller. I'm clearly not 6'. Doesn't matter. I was the fastest guy on the court.
It was fun. For the most part. I'll probably end up dwelling on it for the next couple of days, but oh well. I'll become a better player for it.
And back to the Mavs - Kings game...
Considering that I haven't played since November, I'm OK with this. But I need more than that next week. I didn't take any shots because Ryan was right. There are some ball hogs on the team. I did run the point when I was in for the first half. The other team threw a zone at me, and I need to work more on breaking it down. It would help if some of my teammates would make some cuts or something.
Overall, I think I made an impression on the team captain. He asked me if I was going to play again next week, and I told him I would. I'll need more minutes, I'll need a couple of shots, and I'll need for us to play a man to man defense. I'm no good in a zone.
Defensively I held my own though. The other team's point didn't get a shot on me, and I broke down one of their fastbreaks. On the other hand, I wasn't so fortunate on another fastbreak. I ended up fouling the guy and he still got the roll, which seriously pissed me off.
The other team was well organized. They had matching outfits on and they were all 6'4 or taller. I'm clearly not 6'. Doesn't matter. I was the fastest guy on the court.
It was fun. For the most part. I'll probably end up dwelling on it for the next couple of days, but oh well. I'll become a better player for it.
And back to the Mavs - Kings game...
367
Dallas gets Keith Van Horn for Calvin Booth, Alan Henderson, and cash. Interesting, but this is going to hurt for the next 2 weeks or so since Dampier is out. Our center position is going to be lacking for a bit. Not that we relied on Booth, but he did help out. Alan Henderson was having a monster rebounding streak. Well, not that great. We didn't lose any picks, and Van Horn comes off the books next year. The Bucks free up enough to re-sign Redd this off-season as well.
Houston got Mike James for Reece Gaines and two 2nd round picks, 76ers got Mashburn and Rogers for Big Dog, and the Cavs got Jiri Welsch.
Overall, not bad. The blockbuster happened (Webber) and some smaller deals as well. Van Horn will help when Dirk needs a break, and there's always the times when Van Horn and Dirk will be on the floor at the same time. Two tall guys who can shoot the 3 and hit mid range shots. The only thing that worries me is his record in the playoffs. He was run out of Philly, New Jersey, and just got traded from Milwaukee.
Also, 'Toine is going back to Boston for Payton, Michael Stewart, and Gugliotta. Funny.
And another, Baron Davis for Dale Davis and Speedy Claxton. I reported that one yesterday, but I didn't know Speedy would be involved.
Speaking of basketball, I've got my game in 4 hours. Can't wait. I'm going to light it up.
Houston got Mike James for Reece Gaines and two 2nd round picks, 76ers got Mashburn and Rogers for Big Dog, and the Cavs got Jiri Welsch.
Overall, not bad. The blockbuster happened (Webber) and some smaller deals as well. Van Horn will help when Dirk needs a break, and there's always the times when Van Horn and Dirk will be on the floor at the same time. Two tall guys who can shoot the 3 and hit mid range shots. The only thing that worries me is his record in the playoffs. He was run out of Philly, New Jersey, and just got traded from Milwaukee.
Also, 'Toine is going back to Boston for Payton, Michael Stewart, and Gugliotta. Funny.
And another, Baron Davis for Dale Davis and Speedy Claxton. I reported that one yesterday, but I didn't know Speedy would be involved.
Speaking of basketball, I've got my game in 4 hours. Can't wait. I'm going to light it up.
Wednesday, February 23
366
{Added on around 11:18PM}
I figure that I shouldn't lead with NBA stuff.
So yea, today went alright. I love the music building. When someone isn't playing their instrument, it is dead silent. And that's when I really solve what I need to.
I'm really hyped up about this game tomorrow night. I'm trying to figure out what game I should play. I mean, I want to complement the team, so if all they need is a shooter, then that's what I'll do. But if they need someone to penetrate and kick it out, then I'll do that. I can post up people around my size, and I'm quick enough to get around people.
Oh my gosh...I hate AIM so damn much. Sometimes I swear it's just trying to piss me off. Mission accomplished.
West Wing was awesome today. Alias got taped. I'm waiting to watch that. By the which, I just saw Resident Evil Apocalypse last night. I realized that A Perfect Circle has been on three different soundtracks in the past 2 years or so. Underworld, RE: Apocalypse, and Constantine. I loved the way they used it in Constantine.
So either way, I'm going to get some sleep. I figure I'll come back to the apartment around 1:30, take a good hour nap, eat something around 4, go back up to campus and warm up. The game is at 6:30. I've just been told that the team already has a bunch of "ball-hogging 3pt shooters" so I'll have to bring something else to the table. Looks like 'penetrate and kick.' Oh, I need to get some b-ball shorts. Crap.
{Original post}
Kings are trading Webber, Matt Barnes, and Michael Bradley to the 76ers for Corliss Williamson, Kenny Thomas, and Brian Skinner.
Also, the Warriors are trying to get Baron Davis, and they are offering Dale Davis and others.
I love it.
I figure that I shouldn't lead with NBA stuff.
So yea, today went alright. I love the music building. When someone isn't playing their instrument, it is dead silent. And that's when I really solve what I need to.
I'm really hyped up about this game tomorrow night. I'm trying to figure out what game I should play. I mean, I want to complement the team, so if all they need is a shooter, then that's what I'll do. But if they need someone to penetrate and kick it out, then I'll do that. I can post up people around my size, and I'm quick enough to get around people.
Oh my gosh...I hate AIM so damn much. Sometimes I swear it's just trying to piss me off. Mission accomplished.
West Wing was awesome today. Alias got taped. I'm waiting to watch that. By the which, I just saw Resident Evil Apocalypse last night. I realized that A Perfect Circle has been on three different soundtracks in the past 2 years or so. Underworld, RE: Apocalypse, and Constantine. I loved the way they used it in Constantine.
So either way, I'm going to get some sleep. I figure I'll come back to the apartment around 1:30, take a good hour nap, eat something around 4, go back up to campus and warm up. The game is at 6:30. I've just been told that the team already has a bunch of "ball-hogging 3pt shooters" so I'll have to bring something else to the table. Looks like 'penetrate and kick.' Oh, I need to get some b-ball shorts. Crap.
{Original post}
Kings are trading Webber, Matt Barnes, and Michael Bradley to the 76ers for Corliss Williamson, Kenny Thomas, and Brian Skinner.
Also, the Warriors are trying to get Baron Davis, and they are offering Dale Davis and others.
I love it.
365
Let me start by saying that Fox Sports and ESPN need to stop their little battle. And by that I mean that ESPN needs to be the bigger entity and ignore Fox Sports.
You see, an employee of FSN first reported that the Lakers would get Boozer. Then ESPN's Chad Ford came along and grabbed that article, wiped his behind, and said, "That's what I think!"
And now, FSN is jumping onto ESPN about reporting that Shaq is going to be out for the season. FSN is saying, "Oh, it was premature, what do you expect?"
It's entertaining, but at the same time it's annoying the hell out of me. I need facts, not speculation. This time of the year is my favorite, and I don't want to get my hopes high because some stupid reporter made something up. So stop jacking around, the both of you.
Speaking of Shaq, care to change your pick for NBA champions this year, Brandon?
Lessons went fine. I'm sounding tons better, but there are still things I need to fix.
Either way, I actually have Spanish homework today. And then West Wing and Alias. If they're new. I'm hoping to take a nap soon. I just haven't been sleeping well the past couple of nights. And the bus rides in the morning have sucked.
You see, an employee of FSN first reported that the Lakers would get Boozer. Then ESPN's Chad Ford came along and grabbed that article, wiped his behind, and said, "That's what I think!"
And now, FSN is jumping onto ESPN about reporting that Shaq is going to be out for the season. FSN is saying, "Oh, it was premature, what do you expect?"
It's entertaining, but at the same time it's annoying the hell out of me. I need facts, not speculation. This time of the year is my favorite, and I don't want to get my hopes high because some stupid reporter made something up. So stop jacking around, the both of you.
Speaking of Shaq, care to change your pick for NBA champions this year, Brandon?
Lessons went fine. I'm sounding tons better, but there are still things I need to fix.
Either way, I actually have Spanish homework today. And then West Wing and Alias. If they're new. I'm hoping to take a nap soon. I just haven't been sleeping well the past couple of nights. And the bus rides in the morning have sucked.
Tuesday, February 22
364
There's a picture in my head. I want to get it on canvas.
It's a picture of me and an angel. The angel is in a praying position, on both knees with hands together. Eyes closed.
And I am standing in front of the angel with my right hand held out.
I know, it's a little weird.
So either way, Scrubs was good. Pretty funny, especially with the racoons.
No word on a trade yet, although the Cowboys are going to sign Bledsoe. I'm beginning to think it'll be an interception contest between he and Vinny.
I dunno. I'm just not in the mood right now.
Deftones - Knife Prty
(Yes, it's spelled that way. Check the back of the CD case.)
It's a picture of me and an angel. The angel is in a praying position, on both knees with hands together. Eyes closed.
And I am standing in front of the angel with my right hand held out.
I know, it's a little weird.
So either way, Scrubs was good. Pretty funny, especially with the racoons.
No word on a trade yet, although the Cowboys are going to sign Bledsoe. I'm beginning to think it'll be an interception contest between he and Vinny.
I dunno. I'm just not in the mood right now.
Deftones - Knife Prty
(Yes, it's spelled that way. Check the back of the CD case.)
363
So, I've been real anxious about the upcoming trade deadline. I want to see if any teams pull the trigger on some blockbusters or crowd pleasers. When I check my ESPN Insider rumor stuff, I do not see the Mavericks listed anywhere. That is great. This team is playing complete games of ball and if they stick together for a long time, they can make multiple runs at the championship. I mean, a year from now if all is intact, Dallas could be the team to beat out west.
So the only rumored stuff surrounds the Lakers. First they were supposedly going after Peja, then Carlos Boozer. All crappy deals. If the Kings can move Webber, that would be something. The other team would be the Knicks, and I'm not sure what players would have to go to make the 10% rule. It would probably start with Kurt Thomas and move from there.
Oh my gosh, Marc Stein put Dallas at number 2 in his power rankings. It's the end of the world, hell's frozen over, oh the humanity.
Speaking of basketball, I think I'm going to go outside and shoot around. It is magnificent outside. The sun is out, but there's a nice cool wind. Oh so nice.
So yea, I'm out for now. What's today, Tuesday? Hmm, Scrubs is on tonight. I'll post after that sometime. Well, unless I get word of a trade going down. Then I'll be back before.
So the only rumored stuff surrounds the Lakers. First they were supposedly going after Peja, then Carlos Boozer. All crappy deals. If the Kings can move Webber, that would be something. The other team would be the Knicks, and I'm not sure what players would have to go to make the 10% rule. It would probably start with Kurt Thomas and move from there.
Oh my gosh, Marc Stein put Dallas at number 2 in his power rankings. It's the end of the world, hell's frozen over, oh the humanity.
Speaking of basketball, I think I'm going to go outside and shoot around. It is magnificent outside. The sun is out, but there's a nice cool wind. Oh so nice.
So yea, I'm out for now. What's today, Tuesday? Hmm, Scrubs is on tonight. I'll post after that sometime. Well, unless I get word of a trade going down. Then I'll be back before.
Monday, February 21
362
I was going to post. But then I lost it. I've lost it. I've lost my motivation. Not my motivation to post, but my motivation to go 100% into my classes. I know, it's 11PM. But I'm sitting here and thinking to myself. In case you can't tell, I did about all but 10% of my program and I've fizzled out. I tried to do it all in one sitting, and my brain is fried. I know this feeling. I felt it once after a Physics final. I don't want to think about anything or anyone. I just want to lay down. But then I tell myself, "Andy, do what you're good at. Do what you're great at. Don't give up on the day yet."
I have a passion for basketball. I think of new moves to add to my game, I think of new plays, and I think of ways that I can help my friends play. I daydream about going to the courts. When I dream about a past love, 90% of the time it takes place near a basketball court.
I like brunettes. Sure, I like blondes and redheads too, but I'm into brunettes. And light brown eyes.
I know that I need a chic that I can support. The only time I feel whole is when someone is leaning on me. I want to be that person that you ask "what should I do?" I want to be the person that holds you when you're sick. With the most sincere hold.
I want to provide a sense of safety to the person I hold in my arms. Security. That even if the world stopped spinning, everything would still be alright.
There's so many things I want to be. There's so much of me that wants to keep changing. There's so many things I just want.
I don't want to be a person's savior. I want to be a person's angel. I don't want to be temporary. I want to be permanent. I don't want to be that guy. I want to be the guy.
And luck will have nothing to do with it. I'll leave luck out of it.
Before it's too late, a big shout out to Tina. She turned 20 today.
I have a passion for basketball. I think of new moves to add to my game, I think of new plays, and I think of ways that I can help my friends play. I daydream about going to the courts. When I dream about a past love, 90% of the time it takes place near a basketball court.
I like brunettes. Sure, I like blondes and redheads too, but I'm into brunettes. And light brown eyes.
I know that I need a chic that I can support. The only time I feel whole is when someone is leaning on me. I want to be that person that you ask "what should I do?" I want to be the person that holds you when you're sick. With the most sincere hold.
I want to provide a sense of safety to the person I hold in my arms. Security. That even if the world stopped spinning, everything would still be alright.
There's so many things I want to be. There's so much of me that wants to keep changing. There's so many things I just want.
I don't want to be a person's savior. I want to be a person's angel. I don't want to be temporary. I want to be permanent. I don't want to be that guy. I want to be the guy.
And luck will have nothing to do with it. I'll leave luck out of it.
Before it's too late, a big shout out to Tina. She turned 20 today.
361
So, back from school. Dropped off my instrument earlier this morning. Went to my classes, things went well there, and that was that. Spanish is just too much fun right now. And CS is going alright. I sit in the back, whisper the answers to other people, and text people.
Erik is on his way right now. We're going to see Constantine. I wanted to see it last Friday, but things didn't work out so well. So eh, Monday afternoon is fine.
So these sororities are handing out flyers today. They're holding little events with prizes and stuff. I got one about a Texas Hold 'Em thing. I might go. I mean, it's a sorority, so there's going to be chics, and I love gambling, so why not?
I figure this is going to be an 'update' post, as in, I'm going to update it throughout the day.
By the way, I just want to apologize for lending out my luck yesterday. Usually my luck is perfect. When I go to raffles with people, they win. Even over the phone. One time, my mom called me while she was at a cigar party or something, and 3 seconds later they called her number and she got some free imported beer. I've won gift certificates to Fuddruckers, TGIF, and Chili's. One time I went to this talent show for a friend. I gave her my raffle ticket halfway into it because I had to be somewhere else. She called me up the next day and told me that the ticket I gave her won a 'free dinner for two' thing or other. And while some may not consider this lucky, for some odd reason I always get three of a kind when I play poker. Three sixes. Always. I dunno.
But I wished a friend good luck yesterday morning and it didn't work. It had the opposite effect. I am terribly sorry.
Erik is on his way right now. We're going to see Constantine. I wanted to see it last Friday, but things didn't work out so well. So eh, Monday afternoon is fine.
So these sororities are handing out flyers today. They're holding little events with prizes and stuff. I got one about a Texas Hold 'Em thing. I might go. I mean, it's a sorority, so there's going to be chics, and I love gambling, so why not?
I figure this is going to be an 'update' post, as in, I'm going to update it throughout the day.
By the way, I just want to apologize for lending out my luck yesterday. Usually my luck is perfect. When I go to raffles with people, they win. Even over the phone. One time, my mom called me while she was at a cigar party or something, and 3 seconds later they called her number and she got some free imported beer. I've won gift certificates to Fuddruckers, TGIF, and Chili's. One time I went to this talent show for a friend. I gave her my raffle ticket halfway into it because I had to be somewhere else. She called me up the next day and told me that the ticket I gave her won a 'free dinner for two' thing or other. And while some may not consider this lucky, for some odd reason I always get three of a kind when I play poker. Three sixes. Always. I dunno.
But I wished a friend good luck yesterday morning and it didn't work. It had the opposite effect. I am terribly sorry.
Sunday, February 20
360
Ok, so just so everyone knows, if you want me to send you forwards (read: if you want me to think about you when I laugh) then by all means just say, "FBombAndy, you may send me forwards." I'm totally cool with any forwards anyone may send me. I'll read them, and if I like them, I'll send them to my peoples.
I did exactly ZERO work on my program. I figure I'll just do it tomorrow and take the late hit. I don't mind. I can always make it up with extra credit or something. So oh well, I had fun tonight and that's what counts.
My bro got a new TV today. We setup the new TV stand, moved in the TV, which weighed around 160 pounds, and I got some McDonald's out of it. I am so obsessed with those Chicken Selects. Last night I had a 3pc meal and today I had a 5pc meal. Considering that I lost about 7 pounds in the past two weeks, it's fine. Throw in a Reese's Fastbreak for dessert and I'm loaded with calories. Kinda hyper, but I'm burning out already. My metabolism is crazy like that.
I'm really looking forward to the game Thursday night. I need to run a little bit before then, but I'm sure we'll do great. I'm going to play like there's no tomorrow. And that's when I play my best. Well, actually, I play my best when there's a hot chic walking by. If you look at the picture of the half court I have in my profile, you'll notice that it's surrounded by fence. And it's right next to a parking garage. So every 5 minutes or so, a hot chic walks by. If I see them, I think, "Oh man, I gotta look good now." So, I tend to put everything into one shot and it usually looks good. I love it.
And you know, rowdielou's comment (on 359) totally made my day. Ooh, and Anh commented earlier too. Totally great.
So either way, I think I'm going to get to campus early tomorrow. I need to put my instrument in it's locker. That means getting up to campus about 20 minutes earlier. Sucks. Oh well.
I did exactly ZERO work on my program. I figure I'll just do it tomorrow and take the late hit. I don't mind. I can always make it up with extra credit or something. So oh well, I had fun tonight and that's what counts.
My bro got a new TV today. We setup the new TV stand, moved in the TV, which weighed around 160 pounds, and I got some McDonald's out of it. I am so obsessed with those Chicken Selects. Last night I had a 3pc meal and today I had a 5pc meal. Considering that I lost about 7 pounds in the past two weeks, it's fine. Throw in a Reese's Fastbreak for dessert and I'm loaded with calories. Kinda hyper, but I'm burning out already. My metabolism is crazy like that.
I'm really looking forward to the game Thursday night. I need to run a little bit before then, but I'm sure we'll do great. I'm going to play like there's no tomorrow. And that's when I play my best. Well, actually, I play my best when there's a hot chic walking by. If you look at the picture of the half court I have in my profile, you'll notice that it's surrounded by fence. And it's right next to a parking garage. So every 5 minutes or so, a hot chic walks by. If I see them, I think, "Oh man, I gotta look good now." So, I tend to put everything into one shot and it usually looks good. I love it.
And you know, rowdielou's comment (on 359) totally made my day. Ooh, and Anh commented earlier too. Totally great.
So either way, I think I'm going to get to campus early tomorrow. I need to put my instrument in it's locker. That means getting up to campus about 20 minutes earlier. Sucks. Oh well.
359
Wow...
I sent out a forward today. I never do that. Never. But it was funny.
And I also realized that I only sent it to 5 people. Only 5. Kinda sad, eh?
Man this Deftones is kicking me alive. I love it.
Alright, time to start some laundry, eat some breakfast, and do this program. Oh, I just know it's gonig to take a few hours. That sucks! Oh well.
I sent out a forward today. I never do that. Never. But it was funny.
And I also realized that I only sent it to 5 people. Only 5. Kinda sad, eh?
Man this Deftones is kicking me alive. I love it.
Alright, time to start some laundry, eat some breakfast, and do this program. Oh, I just know it's gonig to take a few hours. That sucks! Oh well.
Saturday, February 19
358
Alright, let's start off with this...
The Andy that came out two days ago, or whenever it was, sucks. I'm not doing that again. I complained on my previous blog, and that's why it ended. I'm not repeating that.
She's just such an interesting person. If I didn't see her at all this semester, I would be very bored on campus. So I have to accept whatever comes.
The wedding today was nice. Very small, very short. It was perfect. There were times where everyone laughed. Some of the time everyone was just smiling. They make a great couple and they have my best wishes.
I also realized that I won't allow myself to go through life without getting married. I'm not ready for marriage right now or anything, but I do know that one day, I will be. I can imagine myself standing there with a beautiful brunette. I can imagine writing the vows. I can imagine slipping the ring on her finger, kissing the bride, and looking out into the crowd. I know that I want a very elaborate wedding. In a huge church. With a long honeymoon afterwards.
I have a new aura emanating from me. I have a half smirk on my face most of the time now. The smirk that says, "Yea, that's right, it's me." I have no idea where it came from. I really have no reason for it. But ever since it showed up, I've noticed that I'm getting more looks. And yes, I likey.
I just...
I got confused for a little bit. That's all. I freaked out. That's all. It was bound to happen after all of these years of holding everything in.
Speaking of which, I'm taking a page from my old book. I bought two CDs today to help me out. I went ahead and got the Velvet Revolver CD. I also replaced my Deftones White Pony CD. Back in the day, before I really settled into my favorite music, I listened to the Deftones 24 - 7. I miss that. So I'm getting back to it. And if you remember me from my first Deftones phase, then you know what I'll be like for the next few months.
Right now, I'm energized. I still have a little bit of a runny nose, but I feel so much better. I don't care that I can't have her right now. Sometimes the desire is better than what you seek. I'm willing to accept that. I'm going to look around, observe my options, and then think about all of the things I can do.
And now I'm in the perfect mood for sleep.
The Andy that came out two days ago, or whenever it was, sucks. I'm not doing that again. I complained on my previous blog, and that's why it ended. I'm not repeating that.
She's just such an interesting person. If I didn't see her at all this semester, I would be very bored on campus. So I have to accept whatever comes.
The wedding today was nice. Very small, very short. It was perfect. There were times where everyone laughed. Some of the time everyone was just smiling. They make a great couple and they have my best wishes.
I also realized that I won't allow myself to go through life without getting married. I'm not ready for marriage right now or anything, but I do know that one day, I will be. I can imagine myself standing there with a beautiful brunette. I can imagine writing the vows. I can imagine slipping the ring on her finger, kissing the bride, and looking out into the crowd. I know that I want a very elaborate wedding. In a huge church. With a long honeymoon afterwards.
I have a new aura emanating from me. I have a half smirk on my face most of the time now. The smirk that says, "Yea, that's right, it's me." I have no idea where it came from. I really have no reason for it. But ever since it showed up, I've noticed that I'm getting more looks. And yes, I likey.
I just...
I got confused for a little bit. That's all. I freaked out. That's all. It was bound to happen after all of these years of holding everything in.
Speaking of which, I'm taking a page from my old book. I bought two CDs today to help me out. I went ahead and got the Velvet Revolver CD. I also replaced my Deftones White Pony CD. Back in the day, before I really settled into my favorite music, I listened to the Deftones 24 - 7. I miss that. So I'm getting back to it. And if you remember me from my first Deftones phase, then you know what I'll be like for the next few months.
Right now, I'm energized. I still have a little bit of a runny nose, but I feel so much better. I don't care that I can't have her right now. Sometimes the desire is better than what you seek. I'm willing to accept that. I'm going to look around, observe my options, and then think about all of the things I can do.
And now I'm in the perfect mood for sleep.
Friday, February 18
357
I'm haunted all over again.
Visions of everything I want.
But only visions.
Desired sounds float around.
But they aren't real.
I'm a ghost that's being haunted, tortured.
Shaken, and stirred.
Perfectly imperfect.
I don't make a sound when I walk.
I don't make sounds at all.
I sit in the back where I am not seen.
I absorb everything around me and process it.
I don't speak about my feelings.
This keyboard is the medium through which I share myself.
I have been 'de-voiced.'
But I can still see.
I can still listen.
A Perfect Circle - The Noose
Visions of everything I want.
But only visions.
Desired sounds float around.
But they aren't real.
I'm a ghost that's being haunted, tortured.
Shaken, and stirred.
Perfectly imperfect.
I don't make a sound when I walk.
I don't make sounds at all.
I sit in the back where I am not seen.
I absorb everything around me and process it.
I don't speak about my feelings.
This keyboard is the medium through which I share myself.
I have been 'de-voiced.'
But I can still see.
I can still listen.
A Perfect Circle - The Noose
356 - Martyr
After reading 355, and after realizing there are more things to say, I decided that more than one post in a day is fine.
I want this to be fully understood, which means I'm going to have a hell of a hard time saying this right.
If there's one thing that makes me feel validated, it's the feeling I get after I know I have helped or affected someone in some way. It makes me think that my existence is worthwhile. It makes me feel complete. And I've known this for quite some time. Because of my martyr complex, I am ready to sacrifice my emotional stability to help someone in need.
"I want to be there for everyone, all of the time. Might sound impossible, but it probably won’t kill me to try."
- Dec 7th, in an email to her
Back in the day, I would help so many people. My friends would come to me for advice, tell me their problems, and I would provide my shoulder and 'wisdom.' And this was a daily thing. But it did wear me down. And for a time, I lost it. That's when I decided to take control over my emotions. I decided to desensitize myself.
So when I have a really great friend, and I feel like they have wronged me in some way, it is easy for me to change my feelings for them. And Anh is right, this isn't normal. Thoughts and feelings are supposed to be separate.
I don't want to tell the same story twice, or even three times. It has been like a sine wave over the past 4 months. And it pisses me off. I like stability. I like routine. I don't like surprises.
What I'm trying to get at is that recent events have really confused me and I believe I've become hypocritical. One minute I'm stating on here that I'm going to ignore someone, the next I'm saying that there's still feelings. I don't like to flip-flop. I have never done this before.
I don't think I am emotionally stable right now. I can't find a balance. I know, I just got back from an unfortunate event, I've been sick, I'm still trying to get into the flow of things, and I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. I just thought I was stronger than this. I want to be stable.
In other news, a thank you 3 days late but better late than never, both Anh and Tina had sent their Happy Valentine's. Two more great women.
I'm gonna take a nap. I probably need one.
Song of the Moment: A Perfect Circle - Gravity
I want this to be fully understood, which means I'm going to have a hell of a hard time saying this right.
If there's one thing that makes me feel validated, it's the feeling I get after I know I have helped or affected someone in some way. It makes me think that my existence is worthwhile. It makes me feel complete. And I've known this for quite some time. Because of my martyr complex, I am ready to sacrifice my emotional stability to help someone in need.
"I want to be there for everyone, all of the time. Might sound impossible, but it probably won’t kill me to try."
- Dec 7th, in an email to her
Back in the day, I would help so many people. My friends would come to me for advice, tell me their problems, and I would provide my shoulder and 'wisdom.' And this was a daily thing. But it did wear me down. And for a time, I lost it. That's when I decided to take control over my emotions. I decided to desensitize myself.
So when I have a really great friend, and I feel like they have wronged me in some way, it is easy for me to change my feelings for them. And Anh is right, this isn't normal. Thoughts and feelings are supposed to be separate.
I don't want to tell the same story twice, or even three times. It has been like a sine wave over the past 4 months. And it pisses me off. I like stability. I like routine. I don't like surprises.
What I'm trying to get at is that recent events have really confused me and I believe I've become hypocritical. One minute I'm stating on here that I'm going to ignore someone, the next I'm saying that there's still feelings. I don't like to flip-flop. I have never done this before.
I don't think I am emotionally stable right now. I can't find a balance. I know, I just got back from an unfortunate event, I've been sick, I'm still trying to get into the flow of things, and I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. I just thought I was stronger than this. I want to be stable.
In other news, a thank you 3 days late but better late than never, both Anh and Tina had sent their Happy Valentine's. Two more great women.
I'm gonna take a nap. I probably need one.
Song of the Moment: A Perfect Circle - Gravity
355 - Yikes
Where to begin...
Firstly, the Mavs came back from a 10 point halftime deficit and won last night. That was awesome. Definitely worth staying up for.
Secondly, I'm in a bit of a jam concerning how I should feel right now. And maybe I should give some details that I've been holding back.
When I met her, I did not know if she was single, seeing someone, or even married. I didn't ask, I didn't really care at the time. Then I fell for her. I didn't say anything right away because I needed to know that she was single first.
Well, she did have a boyfriend. But things were looking south. So I figured I wouldn't interfere with anything and just stay by her side. (I kind of left this out in all of my other posts.)
Well today I find out she isn't with him. And before I can recollect myself, she drops the bomb that she already has a new boyfriend, who may not be happy (reasons being confidential.) So, I'm back to square one.
But I do realize something. I was wrong about my bad vibe. Totally wrong, and I have no problem admitting that.
She came into the lab 5 minutes after I did and walked towards where one of our other friends was sitting, but then she saw me, changed directions, and sat next to me. We laughed about some stuff and talked about movies for about 30 minutes. Then we had our walk after class. Later in the afternoon we had a short text conversation.
I like to think that I can figure people out rather well. And this is what I can tell. I think she knows I have feelings for her, it's just that I haven't been in the right place at the right time.
As far as how strong these feelings are, I guess I don't know.
Either way, things are looking up. This is good.
By the which, I apologize for not giving out all of the facts. Honestly I felt that had the whole world known I was chasing an unavailable woman, I would have been handed the label of 'village idiot.' And the reason I kept pursuing is because I was once told, "I'll dump him so we can be together." By another, different chic. And you know, that might get me the title of 'village idiot' because really now, if she'll do that to some guy, how do you know she won't do the same to you? Yea yea...
Even with all this, being single is still less complicated.
Firstly, the Mavs came back from a 10 point halftime deficit and won last night. That was awesome. Definitely worth staying up for.
Secondly, I'm in a bit of a jam concerning how I should feel right now. And maybe I should give some details that I've been holding back.
When I met her, I did not know if she was single, seeing someone, or even married. I didn't ask, I didn't really care at the time. Then I fell for her. I didn't say anything right away because I needed to know that she was single first.
Well, she did have a boyfriend. But things were looking south. So I figured I wouldn't interfere with anything and just stay by her side. (I kind of left this out in all of my other posts.)
Well today I find out she isn't with him. And before I can recollect myself, she drops the bomb that she already has a new boyfriend, who may not be happy (reasons being confidential.) So, I'm back to square one.
But I do realize something. I was wrong about my bad vibe. Totally wrong, and I have no problem admitting that.
She came into the lab 5 minutes after I did and walked towards where one of our other friends was sitting, but then she saw me, changed directions, and sat next to me. We laughed about some stuff and talked about movies for about 30 minutes. Then we had our walk after class. Later in the afternoon we had a short text conversation.
I like to think that I can figure people out rather well. And this is what I can tell. I think she knows I have feelings for her, it's just that I haven't been in the right place at the right time.
As far as how strong these feelings are, I guess I don't know.
Either way, things are looking up. This is good.
By the which, I apologize for not giving out all of the facts. Honestly I felt that had the whole world known I was chasing an unavailable woman, I would have been handed the label of 'village idiot.' And the reason I kept pursuing is because I was once told, "I'll dump him so we can be together." By another, different chic. And you know, that might get me the title of 'village idiot' because really now, if she'll do that to some guy, how do you know she won't do the same to you? Yea yea...
Even with all this, being single is still less complicated.
Thursday, February 17
354 - News
So, J-Lo is bailing out on a tour, Intel is messing with silicon (not silicone,) and Microsoft's AntiSpyware stuff is decent to say the most. All is right in the world today.
Like I just told Brandon very very recently, I'm starting to lose interest in her. And this was going to happen, I just couldn't predict when. Yea, she sent me a text. But I just get this feeling...a very bad vibe. The type of vibe that makes me consider ignoring someone. I could be way off, but I don't want to fall for her again either. I'm taking my chips from the table, I'm folding my hand, and I'm walking away. Gonna cut my losses now. Friends is fine, nothing more.
Oh, I've just now started playing Hold 'Em on Yahoo. By the which, my yahoo SN is FBombAndy. Easy, right? Totally obvious? I should just copyright my name (or is it trademark? I forget.) I mean, I have FBombAndy for Hotmail, Yahoo, AIM, GMail, domain name, you name it.
Ryan did call. The team has a bye week. So I can rest and heal up, maybe get my shot back, and next Thursday I can do some damage.
Either way, that's all I've wanted to say for right now. I have about 9 hours left in the day before I go to sleep. So there's bound to be more interesting stuff later. Mavs game on tonight. I'm up for that.
{Added on around 3:44PM}
I just got a call from the Music Dept. I finally got a locker. No more dragging around my instrument on the bus and around campus. Sweet.
Also, I ate some pineapple sherbert. I was walking home from the bus stop and decided to stop by the local Racetrac. I passed the frozen section and looked inside. I saw sherbert. Which made me think of Lacey Sherbert, I mean, Chabert. And so, one thing led to another...
Things are looking up.
Like I just told Brandon very very recently, I'm starting to lose interest in her. And this was going to happen, I just couldn't predict when. Yea, she sent me a text. But I just get this feeling...a very bad vibe. The type of vibe that makes me consider ignoring someone. I could be way off, but I don't want to fall for her again either. I'm taking my chips from the table, I'm folding my hand, and I'm walking away. Gonna cut my losses now. Friends is fine, nothing more.
Oh, I've just now started playing Hold 'Em on Yahoo. By the which, my yahoo SN is FBombAndy. Easy, right? Totally obvious? I should just copyright my name (or is it trademark? I forget.) I mean, I have FBombAndy for Hotmail, Yahoo, AIM, GMail, domain name, you name it.
Ryan did call. The team has a bye week. So I can rest and heal up, maybe get my shot back, and next Thursday I can do some damage.
Either way, that's all I've wanted to say for right now. I have about 9 hours left in the day before I go to sleep. So there's bound to be more interesting stuff later. Mavs game on tonight. I'm up for that.
{Added on around 3:44PM}
I just got a call from the Music Dept. I finally got a locker. No more dragging around my instrument on the bus and around campus. Sweet.
Also, I ate some pineapple sherbert. I was walking home from the bus stop and decided to stop by the local Racetrac. I passed the frozen section and looked inside. I saw sherbert. Which made me think of Lacey Sherbert, I mean, Chabert. And so, one thing led to another...
Things are looking up.
Wednesday, February 16
353 - Bath
Sorry I'm posting kind of late. I spent 6 hours today catching up on homework. That sucks. That does not include this stupid program I have to write, the makeup exam I have to take for spanish along with two writing assignments. Yea, that's what happens when you miss 7 days. Oh well, it'll get done eventually.
You know...today was boring too. I called that ass, Ryan but he hasn't called back yet. If he wants me to play on the team, he needs to call. I'm not signing up on the free agent list and then having another team pick me up.
I'm starting to worry about something. When I hear certain songs, my mood changes. And it's based on the person I associate with the song. For instance, when I hear anything by Sheryl Crow, I think of Brandon, because I remember him telling me he had a thing for her. So, Sheryl Crow songs make me laugh about good times. But, when I hear Coldplay songs, I think of my first roommate. He was such an annoying nerd / ass. So my fists tighten up when I hear them. Bad, eh?
Well, I can't decide whether I'm going to wear the ol' khakis tomorrow or dress up a little more with the jeans. If I dress up tomorrow, I'll wear the khakis on Friday. Friday is a long day. Tomorrow is supposed to be cold, so I'll be wearing a jacket. Oh, decisions!
Alright, I'm going with khakis tomorrow. Just gonna find a shirt and let the wrinkles get out. And spray it down with some AXE. That's right, I use AXE. I like the 'Touch' scent. Oh, and the last can I bought came with a free sample of shower gel. That stuff is great.
My hair is growing out, but it isn't pretty. The hair on the sides of my head down follow the laws of gravity. They stick out. I figure they'll smooth out eventually. I'm hoping they will. Maybe a repeat with conditioner? Eh?
Either way, enough about shower gel and conditioner. I'm gonna go to sleep.
You know...today was boring too. I called that ass, Ryan but he hasn't called back yet. If he wants me to play on the team, he needs to call. I'm not signing up on the free agent list and then having another team pick me up.
I'm starting to worry about something. When I hear certain songs, my mood changes. And it's based on the person I associate with the song. For instance, when I hear anything by Sheryl Crow, I think of Brandon, because I remember him telling me he had a thing for her. So, Sheryl Crow songs make me laugh about good times. But, when I hear Coldplay songs, I think of my first roommate. He was such an annoying nerd / ass. So my fists tighten up when I hear them. Bad, eh?
Well, I can't decide whether I'm going to wear the ol' khakis tomorrow or dress up a little more with the jeans. If I dress up tomorrow, I'll wear the khakis on Friday. Friday is a long day. Tomorrow is supposed to be cold, so I'll be wearing a jacket. Oh, decisions!
Alright, I'm going with khakis tomorrow. Just gonna find a shirt and let the wrinkles get out. And spray it down with some AXE. That's right, I use AXE. I like the 'Touch' scent. Oh, and the last can I bought came with a free sample of shower gel. That stuff is great.
My hair is growing out, but it isn't pretty. The hair on the sides of my head down follow the laws of gravity. They stick out. I figure they'll smooth out eventually. I'm hoping they will. Maybe a repeat with conditioner? Eh?
Either way, enough about shower gel and conditioner. I'm gonna go to sleep.
Tuesday, February 15
352 - Dull
Made it through the day.
I'm going to try to go back to school tomorrow. It'll be good if I do. I've missed nearly 10 days. I need to get back in the classroom and catch up.
I'm hoping to feel better enough for me to play some IM basketball on Thursday. I think it could be tons of fun.
You know...today was rather boring. Either way, I'm going to wrap this up. I just don't have much to say.
Any suggestions?
{Added on around 11:13PM}
AIM is being really gay. It's told me twice now that the internet connection was lost or some such. Totaly bull considering I'm on cable. Come on, stop jacking with me!
I'm going to try to go back to school tomorrow. It'll be good if I do. I've missed nearly 10 days. I need to get back in the classroom and catch up.
I'm hoping to feel better enough for me to play some IM basketball on Thursday. I think it could be tons of fun.
You know...today was rather boring. Either way, I'm going to wrap this up. I just don't have much to say.
Any suggestions?
{Added on around 11:13PM}
AIM is being really gay. It's told me twice now that the internet connection was lost or some such. Totaly bull considering I'm on cable. Come on, stop jacking with me!
Monday, February 14
351 - Worst
Worst Valentine's Day ever!
I woke up this morning. That sucked. I went through the motions of going to school, but I bailed out before I got to the door. So I scheduled an appointment at the University Health Center. Left for thereat 2. They tell me I have acute bronchitis or something. Then I killed an hour before I had to take my makeup test. That went decent from what I can tell. I feel good about it. Didn't get home until 8:15 or so. So, let's recap...
Missed classes today. Spent the afternoon with a doctor and a makeup test.
Yea, I think that qualifies as the worst Valentine's Day ever.
But then again...
I got a very nice e-card from Jamie. And J said Happy Valentine's Day and told me to get better. I got a "Happy <3 Day" text from 'her' (which surprised the hell out of me when I got it. You see, I have specific ringtones for groups of people. Her's is Radiohead's How I Made My Millions, which is a beautiful song. So I was laying down this morning, heard it, and kind of just thought to my self, "Huh?") So there are great women out there.
So this wasn't the worst. Those nice gestures definitely outweigh the bad.
Thank you all.
I woke up this morning. That sucked. I went through the motions of going to school, but I bailed out before I got to the door. So I scheduled an appointment at the University Health Center. Left for thereat 2. They tell me I have acute bronchitis or something. Then I killed an hour before I had to take my makeup test. That went decent from what I can tell. I feel good about it. Didn't get home until 8:15 or so. So, let's recap...
Missed classes today. Spent the afternoon with a doctor and a makeup test.
Yea, I think that qualifies as the worst Valentine's Day ever.
But then again...
I got a very nice e-card from Jamie. And J said Happy Valentine's Day and told me to get better. I got a "Happy <3 Day" text from 'her' (which surprised the hell out of me when I got it. You see, I have specific ringtones for groups of people. Her's is Radiohead's How I Made My Millions, which is a beautiful song. So I was laying down this morning, heard it, and kind of just thought to my self, "Huh?") So there are great women out there.
So this wasn't the worst. Those nice gestures definitely outweigh the bad.
Thank you all.
Sunday, February 13
350 - Ugh
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Isn't that great?! Uhh, no...
I'm still sick. But I'm better than yesterday. Woke up this morning with a cold sweat going. Spent the morning figuring out how to get better. Passed out around 5:30. Maybe it was 4:30. I don't remember.
Anywho, I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded. I'm going to go to sleep early.
I'm still sick. But I'm better than yesterday. Woke up this morning with a cold sweat going. Spent the morning figuring out how to get better. Passed out around 5:30. Maybe it was 4:30. I don't remember.
Anywho, I'm starting to feel a little lightheaded. I'm going to go to sleep early.
Saturday, February 12
349 - Ill
Man today has sucked!
I woke up this morning sweating and dry heaving. Like McNabb. Throw in some chills and it looks like I have the flu or something. It really sucks.
When I'm sick, I'm frustrated. Really frustrated. Because I can't do what I normally can, I get to the point where I am constantly wanting to hit someone or something. And the only way I'll get over it is for me to get healthy. Now, I'm giving myself about 36 hours to get better. Otherwise I'll call in the heavy medicine. I have a test monday afternoon and I'm not going to miss it.
Well, my mom headed home today. She's spent the past week away from home, whether it be in Austin or in El Paso. She really helps me out when I'm sick or annoyed by two certain people.
Either way, I'm going to lay down or something. I'm just not feeling it right now.
I woke up this morning sweating and dry heaving. Like McNabb. Throw in some chills and it looks like I have the flu or something. It really sucks.
When I'm sick, I'm frustrated. Really frustrated. Because I can't do what I normally can, I get to the point where I am constantly wanting to hit someone or something. And the only way I'll get over it is for me to get healthy. Now, I'm giving myself about 36 hours to get better. Otherwise I'll call in the heavy medicine. I have a test monday afternoon and I'm not going to miss it.
Well, my mom headed home today. She's spent the past week away from home, whether it be in Austin or in El Paso. She really helps me out when I'm sick or annoyed by two certain people.
Either way, I'm going to lay down or something. I'm just not feeling it right now.
Friday, February 11
348 - Short
The Kings can kiss my ass. They had the last shot of the game. They could have sent it to overtime. They could have won the game. So it's not like that uncalled goaltending sent them to a loss. Bibby had a clean shot. I thought it was going to go in. Too bad.
So yea, went shopping. Sort of. I didn't buy anything except medicine and orange juice. I feel weak, but if someone called me up to go play ball, I'd go. I'm giving myself 36 hours before I get better.
So, in elementary school they teach you to cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. Is it a difficult concept or something? There are two people in this apartment that just don't get it.
So now the hotmail servers are acting right again. I don't know what was up, but it really pissed me off.
Weird. What a weird feeling I just had.
So yea, went shopping. Sort of. I didn't buy anything except medicine and orange juice. I feel weak, but if someone called me up to go play ball, I'd go. I'm giving myself 36 hours before I get better.
So, in elementary school they teach you to cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze. Is it a difficult concept or something? There are two people in this apartment that just don't get it.
So now the hotmail servers are acting right again. I don't know what was up, but it really pissed me off.
Weird. What a weird feeling I just had.
Note
I've changed my email address. Sort of. Instead of
"fbombandy@hotmail.com"
I'm going with
"fbombandy@gmail.com"
Gmail responds better right now. The hotmail servers suck. Eh.
Just a note.
"fbombandy@hotmail.com"
I'm going with
"fbombandy@gmail.com"
Gmail responds better right now. The hotmail servers suck. Eh.
Just a note.
Thursday, February 10
346 - Unknowing
Yea, it's 1AM. Not going to school tomorrow. I'm sick again. My dad developed a cold or something in El Paso and it spread around while we were there. So now everyone in this apartment has some type of cold. My bro appears to have a head cold while his wife, my mom, and I have a chest cold. It really sucks right now. It's like there's a vice compressing my sternum to my back.
What also sucks right now is that I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm still moving on, but I'm not completely done. If I talk about what I did today, I look insensitive. If I keep talking about my recent stay in El Paso, I look like I'm lingering. So conflicted...
I also don't want to talk about 'her.' I'm done talking about her. I don't want to think about her. At the same time, if she calls me up and asks 'where I've been' and 'how I'm doing,' I'll fall for her again. That's right, I said again, which implies that I've fallen out with her. In a way, that is correct. I don't see her the same as before. I think I've flushed her out of my system. (By the way, that sounds dirty every time I think about it. I totally don't mean that to be dirty.) Oh well, guess I'll know the status of this friendship (?) soon enough.
My makeup test will be on Monday. Gives me the weekend to learn everything from this past week. Woo-hoo.
I'm going to need a little more time before I post a pic of me. I look terrible right now, and I don't want that to be seen. I'm going to wait until I'm 100% healthy.
Either way, I'm kind of tired. How old is Lacey Chabert? I'm too lazy to look it up. I just saw her on that Celebrity Poker show and she's got something to her. Eh, if she's underage, I'll keep looking around. I prefer those right around my age or a couple of years older.
Alright, going to bed.
What also sucks right now is that I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm still moving on, but I'm not completely done. If I talk about what I did today, I look insensitive. If I keep talking about my recent stay in El Paso, I look like I'm lingering. So conflicted...
I also don't want to talk about 'her.' I'm done talking about her. I don't want to think about her. At the same time, if she calls me up and asks 'where I've been' and 'how I'm doing,' I'll fall for her again. That's right, I said again, which implies that I've fallen out with her. In a way, that is correct. I don't see her the same as before. I think I've flushed her out of my system. (By the way, that sounds dirty every time I think about it. I totally don't mean that to be dirty.) Oh well, guess I'll know the status of this friendship (?) soon enough.
My makeup test will be on Monday. Gives me the weekend to learn everything from this past week. Woo-hoo.
I'm going to need a little more time before I post a pic of me. I look terrible right now, and I don't want that to be seen. I'm going to wait until I'm 100% healthy.
Either way, I'm kind of tired. How old is Lacey Chabert? I'm too lazy to look it up. I just saw her on that Celebrity Poker show and she's got something to her. Eh, if she's underage, I'll keep looking around. I prefer those right around my age or a couple of years older.
Alright, going to bed.
Wednesday, February 9
345 - Return
I'm back in Austin. Got back at around 10:20. Here are the things I'm willing to tell...
I knew I had control over my emotions before I left. Well, almost all of my emotions. I still get angry rather easily. But here's the deal. Only one person didn't cry at the viewing. Me. Only one person didn't cry at the service. Me. And it's not that I didn't feel like crying.
What hurt me more inside was seeing the reaction from other people. The one reaction that hit me the hardest was my dad's. But seeing it didn't bring me to tears. When two of my dad's coworkers showed up at the service, that almost made me emotional. To know that my dad has at least two friends who would come to El Paso for one day just for him, that's something. And it made me realize that I'll have friends there for me when I'm in my dad's place.
Everyone was emotional. And I think they look down on me right now because I wasn't. I feel this loss more than they realize. I'm just not as open as they are.
Even though I haven't cried, I'm still very broken down. I feel like I was the shoulder to everyone. And that's fine. I expected it. But I didn't expect to come back to Austin feeling this way. I feel like I'm being pulled down to the ground.
I knew I had control over my emotions before I left. Well, almost all of my emotions. I still get angry rather easily. But here's the deal. Only one person didn't cry at the viewing. Me. Only one person didn't cry at the service. Me. And it's not that I didn't feel like crying.
What hurt me more inside was seeing the reaction from other people. The one reaction that hit me the hardest was my dad's. But seeing it didn't bring me to tears. When two of my dad's coworkers showed up at the service, that almost made me emotional. To know that my dad has at least two friends who would come to El Paso for one day just for him, that's something. And it made me realize that I'll have friends there for me when I'm in my dad's place.
Everyone was emotional. And I think they look down on me right now because I wasn't. I feel this loss more than they realize. I'm just not as open as they are.
Even though I haven't cried, I'm still very broken down. I feel like I was the shoulder to everyone. And that's fine. I expected it. But I didn't expect to come back to Austin feeling this way. I feel like I'm being pulled down to the ground.
Sunday, February 6
Trip starts in an hour or so. Gonna suck.
Had to get clothes and such earlier today. I didn't know the first thign about what I was to wear, but luckily I had my mom and Erik there with me.
My bro went to pick up his wife at work, then they come back here to change and rest for a couple of minutes. My sis-in-law and my mother are going to ride in the backseat with The Kid. My bro is going to drive and it is my job to keep him awake and entertained. Won't be too hard. I haven't taken a nap, and I'll have to be up until at least 3AM. It's possible. But it'd be easier in front of my computer. Eh, oh well. I've got my music.
All of my professors and TAs have been real nice about assignments and tests. Rescheduling and turning them in later will definitely help.
So, about to turn off my computer until I come back on Thursday or Friday. I might post while I'm in El Paso, but I can't gaurantee it. Either way, here goes something...
Had to get clothes and such earlier today. I didn't know the first thign about what I was to wear, but luckily I had my mom and Erik there with me.
My bro went to pick up his wife at work, then they come back here to change and rest for a couple of minutes. My sis-in-law and my mother are going to ride in the backseat with The Kid. My bro is going to drive and it is my job to keep him awake and entertained. Won't be too hard. I haven't taken a nap, and I'll have to be up until at least 3AM. It's possible. But it'd be easier in front of my computer. Eh, oh well. I've got my music.
All of my professors and TAs have been real nice about assignments and tests. Rescheduling and turning them in later will definitely help.
So, about to turn off my computer until I come back on Thursday or Friday. I might post while I'm in El Paso, but I can't gaurantee it. Either way, here goes something...
Saturday, February 5
Today has been interesting to say the least. For some reason, I expected more.
As far as sadness and depression go, I'm not emotional like that. It takes a plethora of bad events to bring me into depression. And when I'm sad, my face is the same as if I were indifferent. But I do look about 5 years older right now.
It's not that I don't feel it.
So I will be leaving town tomorrow (Sunday) night. Have an 8 hour trip ahead of me. It's going to be a hard 8 hours. I don't know how I'll react once I get there, and all of that time on the road will be spent thinking about that. I worry that I might not look as sad as I should, but at the same time, most of my family knows that I just don't show it. I'm worried that I'll get into a fight with one of my relatives. One specific relative. I don't want that, not now. My dad listed me as a pallbearer. That makes me nervous.
Well, I am extremely tired right now. I haven't felt like this in quite a while.
As far as sadness and depression go, I'm not emotional like that. It takes a plethora of bad events to bring me into depression. And when I'm sad, my face is the same as if I were indifferent. But I do look about 5 years older right now.
It's not that I don't feel it.
So I will be leaving town tomorrow (Sunday) night. Have an 8 hour trip ahead of me. It's going to be a hard 8 hours. I don't know how I'll react once I get there, and all of that time on the road will be spent thinking about that. I worry that I might not look as sad as I should, but at the same time, most of my family knows that I just don't show it. I'm worried that I'll get into a fight with one of my relatives. One specific relative. I don't want that, not now. My dad listed me as a pallbearer. That makes me nervous.
Well, I am extremely tired right now. I haven't felt like this in quite a while.
Friday, February 4
341 - Continuity
So, I'm in a lab. Not my spanish lab though. I'm in my CS lab. Not doing a damn thing.
Got my haircut. Just trimmed up the sides. Doesn't look too bad. Now I just have to wait and let it grow.
Gosh. Emmitt's press conference yesterday was tough to watch. I don't know why exactly, but I find it harder to watch any football player retire than a player from any other sport. If Kevin Willis retired tomorrow, it'd be a small section in the Atlanta papers. (Atlanta, right?) If Shaq retired tomorrow, I'd be able to watch it and laugh. But for an old man (in football years) to hang it up...that's just tough to watch.
Either way...I'm sort of blank right now. It's too early on a Friday.
{Added on around 12:15PM}
So I'm back in the CS lab. My CS prof has given me permission to do the first project solo. We were supposed to do this one in pairs, but considering that I might have to drop everything and leave at any minute, it wouldn't be fair to any partner of mine. So the compromise is that I do this one alone but I have to do a future one with a partner. That's fine with me. I work better alone, and this first one will be a good experience for me.
So far no word. So I'm going to check if there's a 12 - 1 lab for spanish. It'll fit into my schedule and keep me from being bored for an hour.
I'm not sure how long I should wait. I mean, should I wait a day, the weekend, or what? I figure I'll wait for the weekend, but no longer than that.
Either way, I'm bored right now. And I still have to wait almost 30 minutes.
{Added on around 2:58PM}
So I'm finally back home. Gonna eat and sleep, or something fun. I need to send a couple of emails out, but all will be taken care of.
Got my haircut. Just trimmed up the sides. Doesn't look too bad. Now I just have to wait and let it grow.
Gosh. Emmitt's press conference yesterday was tough to watch. I don't know why exactly, but I find it harder to watch any football player retire than a player from any other sport. If Kevin Willis retired tomorrow, it'd be a small section in the Atlanta papers. (Atlanta, right?) If Shaq retired tomorrow, I'd be able to watch it and laugh. But for an old man (in football years) to hang it up...that's just tough to watch.
Either way...I'm sort of blank right now. It's too early on a Friday.
{Added on around 12:15PM}
So I'm back in the CS lab. My CS prof has given me permission to do the first project solo. We were supposed to do this one in pairs, but considering that I might have to drop everything and leave at any minute, it wouldn't be fair to any partner of mine. So the compromise is that I do this one alone but I have to do a future one with a partner. That's fine with me. I work better alone, and this first one will be a good experience for me.
So far no word. So I'm going to check if there's a 12 - 1 lab for spanish. It'll fit into my schedule and keep me from being bored for an hour.
I'm not sure how long I should wait. I mean, should I wait a day, the weekend, or what? I figure I'll wait for the weekend, but no longer than that.
Either way, I'm bored right now. And I still have to wait almost 30 minutes.
{Added on around 2:58PM}
So I'm finally back home. Gonna eat and sleep, or something fun. I need to send a couple of emails out, but all will be taken care of.
Thursday, February 3
340 - Absent
Well, some brief updates.
Ryan told me about his first Intramural B-ball game. Apparently, things did not go well. They suffered an embarassing loss. So he called me up to recruit me. I can't make it to the next game because of a CS test, but I told him I'd be there for the rest. If I can somehow manage to convince the CS prof to let me take the test early, no doubt I will play that night. I really need to play. I really need to get better. The only other thing in my way would be a phone call telling me I need to be heading out west.
I don't think I'll be a savior to their team, but I will definitely make sure the games are more competitve. I don't know what they'll expect out of me either. I don't know if they just need someone to handle the ball or someone to take shots. I'm comfortable either way.
They showed the SNL with Lindsay Lohan on E! earlier tonight. The things I would do to her...(devilish grin)
If you google search "FBombAndy" right now, do not click the links that talk about nude girls or whatever. It's a clever trick that I know nothing about. Really. Seriously. Honestly.
Not going to lab tomorrow. I might still go to campus early just to get my haircut. Oh, that reminds me. That was the reason for this post.
I've decided to let my hair grow mildly long. I'm trying to find the haircut somewhere online right now, but I'm having difficulty. Long enough that I don't have to use gel, but not so long that I have to tuck it behind my ear. I can't describe it. At least not right now. It's still just an image in my head. It'll take at least 2 or 3 months for me to get it.
Either way, I've gotta figure out what I can do tomorrow morning. The haircut will only take 15 minutes, so that leaves almost another hour to do anything. I figure a nice breakfast could be good, but I'm not a breakfast person. Don't want to go shopping. Don't want to study. Don't want to do anything really. Eh, I think I'll just get up like normal, leave at 8:50, get to campus at 9:27, haircut at 9:30, breakfast at 10. Sounds good.
Ryan told me about his first Intramural B-ball game. Apparently, things did not go well. They suffered an embarassing loss. So he called me up to recruit me. I can't make it to the next game because of a CS test, but I told him I'd be there for the rest. If I can somehow manage to convince the CS prof to let me take the test early, no doubt I will play that night. I really need to play. I really need to get better. The only other thing in my way would be a phone call telling me I need to be heading out west.
I don't think I'll be a savior to their team, but I will definitely make sure the games are more competitve. I don't know what they'll expect out of me either. I don't know if they just need someone to handle the ball or someone to take shots. I'm comfortable either way.
They showed the SNL with Lindsay Lohan on E! earlier tonight. The things I would do to her...(devilish grin)
If you google search "FBombAndy" right now, do not click the links that talk about nude girls or whatever. It's a clever trick that I know nothing about. Really. Seriously. Honestly.
Not going to lab tomorrow. I might still go to campus early just to get my haircut. Oh, that reminds me. That was the reason for this post.
I've decided to let my hair grow mildly long. I'm trying to find the haircut somewhere online right now, but I'm having difficulty. Long enough that I don't have to use gel, but not so long that I have to tuck it behind my ear. I can't describe it. At least not right now. It's still just an image in my head. It'll take at least 2 or 3 months for me to get it.
Either way, I've gotta figure out what I can do tomorrow morning. The haircut will only take 15 minutes, so that leaves almost another hour to do anything. I figure a nice breakfast could be good, but I'm not a breakfast person. Don't want to go shopping. Don't want to study. Don't want to do anything really. Eh, I think I'll just get up like normal, leave at 8:50, get to campus at 9:27, haircut at 9:30, breakfast at 10. Sounds good.
339 - Freeze
After my lessons yesterday, I went to the bus stop and just sat there. It was windy as hell and not the pleasant southern type. I sat there with my arms on my french horn case and leaning over. And when the wind hit my face, I had a very morbid thought.
"Is this the cold you feel when you're dead?" (Also thought of The Cure's song, Plainsong. Lyrics.)
And I also think about Tool's song, H. Lyrics. Towards the bottom.
I've been listening to Tool as of late. It fits in with my current mood.
46 and 2 fits in because I want to keep evolving.
Sober because it reflects what I was.
The Patient because of all these tests.
Parabol and Parabola. Totally.
Disposition at times.
Reflection for today.
I think I'll snap out of this soon. I'm still healing, but I feel much better. Whether or not misfortune follows me around for however long, I can only accept it. I can't change it. Not yet.
"Is this the cold you feel when you're dead?" (Also thought of The Cure's song, Plainsong. Lyrics.)
And I also think about Tool's song, H. Lyrics. Towards the bottom.
I've been listening to Tool as of late. It fits in with my current mood.
46 and 2 fits in because I want to keep evolving.
Sober because it reflects what I was.
The Patient because of all these tests.
Parabol and Parabola. Totally.
Disposition at times.
Reflection for today.
I think I'll snap out of this soon. I'm still healing, but I feel much better. Whether or not misfortune follows me around for however long, I can only accept it. I can't change it. Not yet.
Wednesday, February 2
338 - Friends
My dad flew to El Paso tonight. Kind of short notice. Things aren't looking good and I think I'm going to have to take another vacation. I don't know when exactly, but from what I know it could start in an hour or within a few days. During this time, I will try my hardest to at least post something because it's the only way I can express how I feel. It's the only way I can get anything inside of me to the outside world.
For those of you who have never met me face to face, I should give some background on some of my good friends.
I went to high school with Anh, Brandon, CT, Fermin, and Luis. I've known CT the longest. I pretty much followed him around throughout high school. But we've followed separate paths after high school. He's getting married next month and I have every intention of being there. I met Anh in middle school. I can't remember a day where she wasn't smiling. When I need advice about anything female-related, I know that her insight will point me in the right direction. Just like CT, she is crazy smart. You know, everyone I'm mentioning and will mention is smart. So let's get that out of the way. Met Brandon my sophomore year. I talk to him more than anyone else. When I just need to talk, I can always call him up. And when I need a good reality slap, he'll volunteer first. I'm not really sure when I first met Luis, but the earliest I can remember hanging with him was my sophomore year in Speech. We really gave that teacher hell. Well, maybe not. We were good kids. I always have great conversations with Luis, and he asks questions that make me look inside of myself. And when I need help with clothes, he definitely pulls through. The only one on this list that is younger than me is Fermin. He's at Cornell right now and he's doing great. If I have to use the word genius to describe him, I will. Before he left for New York, I thought that we had a ton in common. We're both lazy, we have talents that we don't use often enough, and we're both introverted. Now I would say that I'm jealous of the things he's accomplishing. Jealous, or envious, they're both the same, right?
So now that there's background, I can continue with what I originally had planned.
This is my plan. And I'm going to stick to it. I won't break again. I'm not going to lab Friday. If she shows signs of actually caring, then I'll stick it out. At the end of the semester, or sooner if the situation calls for it, I will take her out for coffee, since she likes that, and tell her what's going on. If there's nothing, no call, no text, no email, then I will bail out permanently. I will attend a different lab, talk to the proctors, and stay in there. I'll call it a mistake and accept it.
But right now, I'm going to try to sleep. I am emotionally drained right now. I bottle it up for so long that when it overflows, it hurts. I figure if I dream, I can escape it for a little while.
For those of you who have never met me face to face, I should give some background on some of my good friends.
I went to high school with Anh, Brandon, CT, Fermin, and Luis. I've known CT the longest. I pretty much followed him around throughout high school. But we've followed separate paths after high school. He's getting married next month and I have every intention of being there. I met Anh in middle school. I can't remember a day where she wasn't smiling. When I need advice about anything female-related, I know that her insight will point me in the right direction. Just like CT, she is crazy smart. You know, everyone I'm mentioning and will mention is smart. So let's get that out of the way. Met Brandon my sophomore year. I talk to him more than anyone else. When I just need to talk, I can always call him up. And when I need a good reality slap, he'll volunteer first. I'm not really sure when I first met Luis, but the earliest I can remember hanging with him was my sophomore year in Speech. We really gave that teacher hell. Well, maybe not. We were good kids. I always have great conversations with Luis, and he asks questions that make me look inside of myself. And when I need help with clothes, he definitely pulls through. The only one on this list that is younger than me is Fermin. He's at Cornell right now and he's doing great. If I have to use the word genius to describe him, I will. Before he left for New York, I thought that we had a ton in common. We're both lazy, we have talents that we don't use often enough, and we're both introverted. Now I would say that I'm jealous of the things he's accomplishing. Jealous, or envious, they're both the same, right?
So now that there's background, I can continue with what I originally had planned.
This is my plan. And I'm going to stick to it. I won't break again. I'm not going to lab Friday. If she shows signs of actually caring, then I'll stick it out. At the end of the semester, or sooner if the situation calls for it, I will take her out for coffee, since she likes that, and tell her what's going on. If there's nothing, no call, no text, no email, then I will bail out permanently. I will attend a different lab, talk to the proctors, and stay in there. I'll call it a mistake and accept it.
But right now, I'm going to try to sleep. I am emotionally drained right now. I bottle it up for so long that when it overflows, it hurts. I figure if I dream, I can escape it for a little while.
337 - Failure
"Subject: Dear God
Message: I quit, God. You win. Having me think about her is rough enough. But having her walk in front of me and not even acknowledge me is torture. Obviously I was wrong to stay. Maybe she just didn't see me, I don't know. But it doesn't really matter, does it?"
This is the text message I wanted to send to her this afternoon. And it is very possible she just didn't see me. But the fact that there is doubt in my mind is proof enough that I'm not sure of this friendship.
I'm not going to lab this Friday. If she notices, then I'm wrong. If there's nothing there, then I'll find other ladies to make happy. I'll go to a different lab.
I know, that's three times now that I've typed the word 'God' in the past two posts. And before the last one, I had never done it before.
I'm broken down. The past 36 hours have really tested me, and I've failed. Throw in the fact that I've received more bad news only 36 minutes ago, and I just want to break. Today is not my day. This month is looking to be the worst in quite a while.
Message: I quit, God. You win. Having me think about her is rough enough. But having her walk in front of me and not even acknowledge me is torture. Obviously I was wrong to stay. Maybe she just didn't see me, I don't know. But it doesn't really matter, does it?"
This is the text message I wanted to send to her this afternoon. And it is very possible she just didn't see me. But the fact that there is doubt in my mind is proof enough that I'm not sure of this friendship.
I'm not going to lab this Friday. If she notices, then I'm wrong. If there's nothing there, then I'll find other ladies to make happy. I'll go to a different lab.
I know, that's three times now that I've typed the word 'God' in the past two posts. And before the last one, I had never done it before.
I'm broken down. The past 36 hours have really tested me, and I've failed. Throw in the fact that I've received more bad news only 36 minutes ago, and I just want to break. Today is not my day. This month is looking to be the worst in quite a while.
Tuesday, February 1
336 - Pissed
OK, so I'm super pissed off because two pizzas that were supposed to get here 30 minutes ago aren't here. I haven't been this pissed off in a quite a while, and I feel that I need to take out this anger and frustration.
I know it's not the driver's fault. I completely understand this. So how can I take it out on the actual pizza place? By the way, this place is Domino's. I love this pizza, but not enough to accept this type of service.
It's a friggin' Tuesday. It shouldn't be as busy as, oh, say a Friday. Or this Super Bowl Sunday. What is the hold up? I mean, do they have a competent staff? Do they know how to turn on the oven?
I hate confrontations. I really do. I am the first to turn and walk away from a situation. Call me cowardly, I don't care. I'd much rather forget the whole issue than sort it out.
I want to call the place up and verbally abuse everyone there. But that's against who I am. I'd rather not create a scene. Verbally abusing people is fine. Creating a scene is not.
I'm usually not a mean person. I'm usually the sweetest guy you will ever meet. That's becasue I want to be perfect. Having vengeance and anger is the furthest from perfection. I am so conflicted right now.
There was a time when I was extremely cruel. I would make people cry and laugh about it. I've come a long way since then. But things like this really get my blood boiling. It's a pizza, I know. But the later it gets here, the later I have to stay up (you're not supposed to go to sleep right after you eat) and that means I'm going to be very upset tomorrow morning. I don't want to be upset tomorrow morning.
I want to eventually be as perfect as I'm allowed. But I really want to give up. Well, I don't want to, rather I feel like it's the only option. I feel like everytime something bad happens, it's just another link in the long chain of events that is my life. Whether it's a minor thing, like a late pizza, or it's falling for someone I can't possibly have, it sucks. I'm running out of patience, but I also know that I'm only 20. Good things will come eventually.
God I need a morale boost.
I know it's not the driver's fault. I completely understand this. So how can I take it out on the actual pizza place? By the way, this place is Domino's. I love this pizza, but not enough to accept this type of service.
It's a friggin' Tuesday. It shouldn't be as busy as, oh, say a Friday. Or this Super Bowl Sunday. What is the hold up? I mean, do they have a competent staff? Do they know how to turn on the oven?
I hate confrontations. I really do. I am the first to turn and walk away from a situation. Call me cowardly, I don't care. I'd much rather forget the whole issue than sort it out.
I want to call the place up and verbally abuse everyone there. But that's against who I am. I'd rather not create a scene. Verbally abusing people is fine. Creating a scene is not.
I'm usually not a mean person. I'm usually the sweetest guy you will ever meet. That's becasue I want to be perfect. Having vengeance and anger is the furthest from perfection. I am so conflicted right now.
There was a time when I was extremely cruel. I would make people cry and laugh about it. I've come a long way since then. But things like this really get my blood boiling. It's a pizza, I know. But the later it gets here, the later I have to stay up (you're not supposed to go to sleep right after you eat) and that means I'm going to be very upset tomorrow morning. I don't want to be upset tomorrow morning.
I want to eventually be as perfect as I'm allowed. But I really want to give up. Well, I don't want to, rather I feel like it's the only option. I feel like everytime something bad happens, it's just another link in the long chain of events that is my life. Whether it's a minor thing, like a late pizza, or it's falling for someone I can't possibly have, it sucks. I'm running out of patience, but I also know that I'm only 20. Good things will come eventually.
God I need a morale boost.
335 - Rebirth
Alright. I'm back. I've cut my vacation short because there are things I need to talk about.
I remember watching Emmitt break the rushing record. He stumbled a couple of yards before finally falling. And when he got up, the crowd exploded. I watched it. It almost brought tears to my eyes. The thought that a man can push his self that far is astonishing to me.
It's too bad about Rudy T. But you know, the Lakers weren't going to be good this year anyway. Had the Suns and Sonics not started off so spectacularly, maybe they would have had a chance to get in the playoffs. But that wasn't the case. What was Rudy T expecting?
In other news, I have a doctor's appointment a week from today. Gonna get checked out and fixed up. The sooner I get to be 100%, the sooner I can dominate on the court. Well, I guess it would have to stop raining also. But then again, I could always play inside the gym.
I'm not sure how I feel about lab yet. So far, things are looking good. But the more suspecting side of me thinks there is something I'm not aware of. Like there's something I should know, but don't. Then again, if I am meant to know whatever it is, then I'll know about it eventually.
I came down with a cold on Saturday. I'm just now getting over it.
If you haven't checked, there's a few more pictures up on the pictures blog. One is real funny.
I'll get a picture of myself up here eventually. I don't know when yet. I still have to find the right one.
It's cold and wet here in Austin. I think it's almost perfect. If the wind would calm down just a bit more, I'd be elated. Oh, but unfortunately I had to buy a new umbrella, and the campus store only had green ones left. Ugly green ones. I'm a little mad about that. So I might buy a UT one tomorrow depending.
Otherwise, it's still early in the day. I'm gonna work on some stuff, eat, relax, and see what happens.
I remember watching Emmitt break the rushing record. He stumbled a couple of yards before finally falling. And when he got up, the crowd exploded. I watched it. It almost brought tears to my eyes. The thought that a man can push his self that far is astonishing to me.
It's too bad about Rudy T. But you know, the Lakers weren't going to be good this year anyway. Had the Suns and Sonics not started off so spectacularly, maybe they would have had a chance to get in the playoffs. But that wasn't the case. What was Rudy T expecting?
In other news, I have a doctor's appointment a week from today. Gonna get checked out and fixed up. The sooner I get to be 100%, the sooner I can dominate on the court. Well, I guess it would have to stop raining also. But then again, I could always play inside the gym.
I'm not sure how I feel about lab yet. So far, things are looking good. But the more suspecting side of me thinks there is something I'm not aware of. Like there's something I should know, but don't. Then again, if I am meant to know whatever it is, then I'll know about it eventually.
I came down with a cold on Saturday. I'm just now getting over it.
If you haven't checked, there's a few more pictures up on the pictures blog. One is real funny.
I'll get a picture of myself up here eventually. I don't know when yet. I still have to find the right one.
It's cold and wet here in Austin. I think it's almost perfect. If the wind would calm down just a bit more, I'd be elated. Oh, but unfortunately I had to buy a new umbrella, and the campus store only had green ones left. Ugly green ones. I'm a little mad about that. So I might buy a UT one tomorrow depending.
Otherwise, it's still early in the day. I'm gonna work on some stuff, eat, relax, and see what happens.
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